Now this.

This was pathetic.

Joe Wieland had a tough start. For whatever reason, the umpire behind the plate decided to go along with Dee Gordon's hazing prank, wherein Dee Gordon would stare at 6 pitches, all fastballs, 5 of them strikes and then just call it a walk. HAHAHAHA, umpire. Oh you. So fun to squeeze the kid and watch him squirm.

Butterflies were probably going pretty good and the hazing didn't help. Wieland then gave up back to back home runs to Matt Kemp and Andre Ethier. A home run in the following inning was pretty much it.

The Padres to their credit decided to just hang out and not do anything. Good job, Padres. Actually, there were no errors in this game, which is the positive here.

So I guess we're calling it a season? This is pretty much it? I'm just checking.

Roll call after the jump...

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So yesterday wasn't exactly a "great" game if you are one to only consider wins as anything above "tolerable", but there were in fact signs of life in the offense and though the pitching did eventually gift the final run, the Dodgers couldn't record a hit for over half of the game.

I wish the defense would wake up.

I noticed that everybody has beards. Maybe it's time to shave. It's not working, beardos.

You know who it is working for? Joe Wieland. Because of some unfortunate circumstances, Joe Wieland will be making his major league debut. I'm hoping he strikes out like 10 in a row to start things off.

If you don't remember, Joe Wieland was one of the top prospects that we got in exchange for Fan Favorite Mike Adams. Wieland is known for striking dudes out. He is also known for getting fly balls. Assuming the Padres outfielders remember how to catch a fly ball, which has been a question this season so far, Wieland should have a nice career ahead of him.

It may be early, but Joe is ready. He was built for destroying Dodgers.

Do this, Joe. Do this for America.

To make room for Joe, In a bit of fortune coming from "bad luck", the Padres are playing with a short bench tonight. Kyle Blanks was sent down. placed on the DL with a "shoulder strain".

Bud Black Presser notes:

• On the game and Chase Headley: Some great comebacks. Good live fastball in the 9th and Chase got it. Great swing. Great result.
• On Cashner: Couldn't get the ball in the zone. Didn't see anything really different in his delivery. Kept looking to make pitches. Didn't happen for him.
• On Aaron Harang: Fastball crisper. Good slider. Good curveball. Looked like he was hitting the corners on both side of the plate. Command of the fastball was outstanding. Slider was sharp. Pitched very well.
• Strange game. Started off with two guys pitching really well and then the game got crazy. Gave the Dodgers a gift in the 9th.
• Cam's sore after getting hit by a Coffey pitch. Wasn't able to swing. Going to be evaluated.
• On Clayton Richard: Looked sharp. Velocity at the end was strong, which was a good sign. Would've liked to have the pitch back from Kemp obviously.
• The Dodgers knew they were in for a fight once the game got into later stages.

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You remember how I was telling you that Magic Johnson would populate the Dodgers with superhuman zombie baseball players? Well, watching this baseball game tonight was like watching a bad zombie movie. And I mean the shambling slow zombies. The ones that any able bodied person would be able to out run easily. This is what killed us today.

First, Aaron Harang decided to break the Dodger record for consecutive strikeouts by dropping 9 Ks in a row. And then the Dodgers put 4 runs up on us, let us score 3 to give us hope and then score 4 more to drive the hope away in the backseat of a Chevy.

And then the Dodgers didn't get another hit for the rest of the game. After the 4th inning, the Dodgers couldn't manage another hit.

And the Padres actually managed 5 more runs.

So you're doing math and you're saying, Wait what? 5 more runs on top of the 3 and we're tied.

Well, we walked four hitters in a row in the bottom of the 9th to lose the game.

The Padres struck out 18 times.

Gruesome.

Roll call after the jump:

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Padres vs Dodgers coverage

You know the thing with this Padres team. You just know they're going to perform well against the Dodgers tonight. Like exceptionally well. For one thing, we're facing Aaron Harang and he still owes us for the nice deal that Petco Park helped him get in LA. For another thing, we're sending Clayton Richard up, who's been our best pitcher thus far in the short season. For another another thing, it's the Padres and we're built for the road. Like a finely tuned sports car. We are not meant to be sitting around at home. We're meant to hit the road.

Also, I know that photo above is not indicative of anything about the game tonight, but doesn't it look like Brad Ziegler is staring at the umpire's humongous member? Makes me laugh.

Also, also... How much is Frank McCourt charging people to get into the parking lot at Chavez Ravine tonight? You realize he's saving up that money to buy a live miniaturized woolly mammoth, right? Dodger Fan. This is what you support. Miniaturized woolly mammoths.

It is for those reasons that I foresee our third win of the season, and possibly our greatest game of the season yet... TONIGHT!!!!

GO PADRES!!!!

Here's a cool time lapse video of the April 10th Padres Game at Petco Park. I always wanted to try taking a time lapse video but I could never sit still that long.

You know what would make this even cooler? The wave. Oh man, you know it's true! Look how mad you're getting because you know it is true! You hate the wave sooo much, but you know the wave would look so cool. You're so mad right now. Just relax, let the wave wash over you.

Look, all this means is that we'll have to do the wave at every game, just in case someone is shooting a time lapse video. That's all. But we'll have to do it the entire game, one wave after another, crashing on the shores of the bullpen on one side and the beach seats on the other. Back and forth, forth and back.

Ok, so it's decided. We'll do the wave.

Just got word that the Padres will be hosting Official Watch Parties at different locations every Saturday when the team is on the road. The Pad Squad will be deployed. There will be drink specials so you can get your drink on. There may also be prizes and giveaways! Like Padres stuff.

Here are the locations for the first three:

TOMORROW. SATURDAY THE 14th OF APRIL. AT 6:10PM (NOT ARIZONA TIME)

If anybody goes, feel free to tell people that you're doing stuff for Gaslamp Ball and see if that gets you even specialer drink specials or like laid or something. I'm down with that.

Maps after the jump...

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• On Ian Kennedy in the first: Hit 3 balls on the nose and the team couldn't sustain it. Kennedy settled down and had the guys off balance. Padres couldn't solve him tonight.
• Anthony Bass showed good stuff. Impressed with all three pitches. The one thing they'll need to work on is better pitch efficiency. Pitch count was a good sign.
• As a group, the Padres aren't hitting. Has to pick up. Statistically, it will improve (regression to the mean?). Offense has to come from everyone. Has to come from all 8 guys (pitchers get a pass)
• On Jesus Guzman's would be error: Young took a full swing. Guzman was playing a bit deep and just couldn't get there.
• On the Bartlett error: Yonder stretched. Just nicked off his glove. Very diplomatic.
• The Padres, or any team, can't afford to make misplays. Especially when you go against somebody like Ian Kennedy. Not hitting well enough to overcome those misplays.

Not related to this, but after the jump, you can see how I rank the games so far. Part of my ongoing weird Rank All The Games in 2012 Project...

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Unfortunately I missed most of the game because I was out partying grocery shopping, but I was able to catch up with highlights, reading the game thread and my imagination.

Looks like the Padres took an early lead on a Will Venable single in the first, but let it slip away in the fifth on an RBI single by some D-Back or another. They were able to escape the 5th with, get this, their defense. Chase Headley and Orlando Hudson rolled a pretty magnificent double play on a bunted ball to Nick Hundley.

It's too bad that the Diamondbacks took the lead in the very next inning on Kubel's go ahead double.

Later in the 8th Andrew "I throw 102 mph" Cashner served up a 97 mph change up that Chris Young smoked out to left field putting the Padres away for good.

Pads take their unique interpretation of the game of baseball on the road tomorrow in LA.

Roll Call after the jump.

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Our first rubbergame of the season comes against our venomous rivals, the Arizona Diamondbacks.

Anthony Bass gets the start today in place of one of the billion starters that we've recently had injured. This is pretty much exactly the sort of thing that Anthony Bass was waiting on this season. If you'll remember with me, he started a few games towards the end of last season after Tim Stauffer went down to surgery and now that Tim Stauffer is among the billion starters we've recently had injured, it only makes sense for Bass to come in and do more of the same as he did in 2011.

The Diamondbacks send out Ian Kennedy. If it were any month besides April, logic might tell me things I don't want to know about Ian Kennedy against the Padres. Since I root blindly this month, Ian Kennedy is nothing more than a minor bump in the way of our March Towards .500!

ONWARD .500! ONWARD AND UPWARD! THIS GINGER HAS NO SOUL! FEAR NOT THE RED HAIR!

Anthony Bass

#45 / Pitcher / San Diego Padres

Height: 6-2

Weight: 190

Bats: R

Throws: R

Born: Nov 01, 1987

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