So we got into several heated debates online about whether or not it was OK to boo Adrian Gonzalez. Hint: It's OK and is encouraged.
I ask you, non-booer, why wouldn't you boo Adrian Gonzalez? He plays for the Dodgers now and you are correct when you point out that it's not his choice that he's playing for the Dodgers, but at the same time, that has never stopped me from booing others who find themselves on the wrong end of my Booability Scale.
Just to be sure, people who don't want to boo Adrian Gonzalez know he's on the other team now, right? Just confirming that. #Padres— Gaslamp Ball (@gaslampball) September 26, 2012
Now, I totally understand. You are not as good a baseball fan as me, so this sort of thing doesn't come naturally to you. Thank goodness for you, I've come up with a handy dandy mnemonic device that you can use at a game to quickly remember if you should boo or not.
In times of tragedy, do not boo
Also keep this in mind:
You don't boo somebody because they're on their period! That's mean. RT @c_mcbelly No, it's like when someone is a Dodger, you boo. Period.— Gaslamp Ball (@gaslampball) September 26, 2012
And to your team you must stay true
It's never OK to boo your own team. Go back to Philadelphia.
But besides that most are fair game
Wherefore their play or a silly name
One time, I booed Moises Alou and told him he was blue because he wasn't in a canoe, taking a poo. He survived my onslaught. #truestory— Gaslamp Ball (@gaslampball) September 26, 2012
Try not to boo if the man is nice
Or got you to the postseason twice
I personally never booed Steve Finley, but I booed Kevin Brown.
But in situations that imply greed
You boo and boo oh yes indeed
See Kevin Brown. And Adrian Gonzalez. Also, See: Why Padres fans don't really boo Aaron Harang.
For money makes the world go round
And greedy players I have found
Are most deserving of the heckle
Although their hide may hide a Jekyll
Jekyll was the nice one. The amount of charitable work one does does not give them a pass from a good booing. One does not not boo Darth Vader simply because of James Earl Jones' involvement with the African Caribbean Leukaemia Trust. That would be ridiculous.
Remember booing is not a crime
Parsley, sage, rosemary, thyme
Here's where I hit the wall, but you need to remind bootractors (boo detractors) that booing is a healthy part of sports culture and is indeed one of the spices of life.
And heed the words of this loyal codger
I turned 36 this year.
It's always fine to boo a Dodger
And there you have it. Take that easy-to-remember rhyme and memorize it tonight. Then, when the mood strikes you and your friend asks, "Hey, is it OK if I boo right now you think?" You recite that rhyme... word for f_cking word... And then thank me later, or silently, to yourself, because I'm watching the game I don't need all that extra noise.