Revolutionize Baseball's All-Star Break: The On Base Derby

The weird thing about the All-Star Break is how they glamorize the home run even though many of the "smart" baseball fans will tell you that they'd rather see a great pitching duel and a batter battle to get on base with a high on-base percentage.

My solution?

Add a f_cking On Base Derby.

You set up a pitching machine that's super precise. Like military precise. And you shoot balls perfectly either just inside or just outside of the strike zone. And then dude has to get on base, ideally with a walk, because that's what gives "smart" baseball fans boners.

And then you have Chris Berman in the booth freaking the f_ck out like, "OMG!!! HOW THE EFF DID HE KNOW NOT TO SWING AT THAT ONE!?!?! IT WAS .33 INCHES OUTSIDE!?!?! HE'S AMAZING!!!"

And then some dude who's really good at getting on base will get psyched out from the pressure just like how home run derby guys get tired going into the third round.

Like in the third round Joey Votto will stare at a fastball that goes right down the heart of the plate because he's so psychologically worn out from all of the stuff that gives "smart" baseball fans boners. Berman will be like, "Well folks. This is what happens. You get into the later rounds and the grind really starts to get to you."

Maybe it would be a thing where the guy has to take 10 balls and fight off everything else. If you swing at a ball you lose. And the person programming the pitching machine might actually throw 10 balls in a row and the batter is freaking out just standing there, trembling, because he's thinking to himself, "NO F_CKING WAY THAT THIS THING WILL THROW ANOTHER BALL.... NO F_CKING WAY..." And then he psyches himself out and swings at ball 10 and everybody's like, "wow... that was some crazy sh_t."

Here's a preview for the home run derby, which makes smart baseball fans go limp:

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