Your dolphin porn off-day photo and the origins of a GLB meme

via p.twimg.com

You know how I know that people at the Padres don't just read Gaslamp Ball, but are possibly fans of Gaslamp Ball is stuff like this photo.

That's Will Venable touching a dolphin.

Will Venable, my inexplicable favorite player on the team and he's doing the foreplay shot for a dolphin porn scene.

If you're relatively new to Gaslamp Ball, back in 2005, I once made reference to Dolphin Porn. And then later, it became a "thing".

And now, there's a photo of my favorite player touching a dolphin.

COINCIDENCE!?

Probably.

The thing with the dolphin porn I don't think I ever explained though... I dated a girl in college who worked at Sea World. She would stand by the exhibits and talk about facts about the animals and answer questions and stuff. Another (relatively unspoken) part of her job was to make sure that none of the animals were harmed on busy days. Like nobody throwing crap into the enclosures or punching the sea lions or drying out the star fish...

Or sexually molesting the dolphins.

Dolphins have been known to get their jollies off of humans for (I'm guessing) hundreds of years. And there is a particular type of pervert who knows that a horny male dolphin will appreciate a little squeak and a happy ending from a human who looks friendly enough. Bedroom eyes.

I remember her telling me about these types of people and I was pretty well grossed out (this was before 4chan). I also remember her telling me that Sea World keeps a watch list of people known to be offenders of this crime of interspecies hand job love. All of the employees know of these people and are told to make sure they don't go near any animals.

The fact that such a list existed stayed with me. What do these people do for kicks once they're ratted out? Dolphin porn, obviously.

You see the Sea World employee watching Will Venable in that photo? She is ready to take down my favorite Padre if that friendly gesture turns into something more than more. That would be a terrible way to end up on the DL. Worse than anything Jeff Kent could come up with I think.

And that's why I made reference to dolphin porn seven years ago.

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