"I've got no strings to hold me down! To make me fret! To make me frown!" - Scott Rovak-USA TODAY Sports
The Giants won the World Series and that makes me unhappy. If I pretend to be happy, does that make me classy?
I'm trying to figure out exactly to what level I would go to be a "classy" baseball fan. Like, after the Giants took the lead last night in the 10th, I turned off the TV. It was enough for me to watch whatsisname slide into home plate and freak the f_ck out because he knew he was about to pay the tax on some gaudy ring that he'd be wearing in 10 years to help sell pre-owned cars at the Mazda dealership he'll buy with his baseball money.
I'd already sat through these dork stories between innings for all the Giants. Oh look at Crazy Eyes with his electric scooter and expensive bad-sound headphones making crazy eyes at people. Such a lovable Techno Dork! And look at Fatso. He taught himself how to throw a ball. That proves he's Super Athlete Fatso and not just Dork Fatso! Oh and there's Humongous Beard Dork and Big Head Skipper Dork and Plays Acoustic Guitar Dork! Not to mention Eyes Too Close Together Dork and Unhealthy Pothead Dork Re-invented himself in the Bullpen.
After all that... The last thing I really needed to see was all the champagne and Bruce Bochy drenched and Tim Flannery breaking out the guitar. It would've been too easy for me to imagine 1998 with those same faces. It would've hurt too much.
And then I see fans of other baseball teams, including Padres Fans, congratulating the Giants on Twitter and stuff and I suppose it's classy, but I'd never do it. I mean... What do the Giants and their fans care? At best, they say something like, "Oh well that's really cool of you and hey! Maybe someday you guys will be able to celebrate the way we're celebrating! Probably not, but you know... Scientists think there are alternate universes and stuff so maybe a version of you actually is celebrating right now! That's a nice thought, right?"
Why would I want that? Why would I want Giants Fan educating me on alternate universes? I'd rather just go watch another episode of Doctor Who.
Now granted... If Bochy showed up at Thanksgiving... I'd congratulate him and shake his gigantic bear sized hand. It would be rude to do anything other than that. If I happen across one of my Giants Fan friends, I'd be like, "Good job. I'm happy you're happy" or depending on my relationship with the person, I might boo loudly at them. But on Twitter and public forums and stuff, to just generally offer an unprompted congratulations? It seems self serving more than classy. Like, "I want Giants Fans to know that I'm not a poor sport so I'm going to go onto this semi-anonymous forum and proclaim a broad congratulations to anybody associated with this rival baseball team."
And, just to be clear, I don't think I'm a poor sport, but I won't go so far as to announce that fact to the world (short of what I just did earlier in this sentence). It's like telling somebody, "Hey... you notice how I didn't say 'I told you so' right there?"
I'd rather just keep my mouth shut and seethe or lash out blindly on a blog and call them dorks. That seems so much more therapeutic to me and my deep seeded agony as a San Diego sports fan.
Either way... Next year is a new year and it appears the Padres have their work cut out for them. The Dodgers are going to spend a billion dollars and the Giants apparently have a Dynasty of Dorks. The Padres will need to step up their game or else another poor sport post will be in the making 12 months from now.