SAN DIEGO, CA - SEPTEMBER 7: Heath Bell #21 of the San Diego Padres celebrates after getting the final out during the ninth inning of a baseball game against the San Francisco Giants at Petco Park on September 7, 2011 in San Diego, California. The Padres won 3-1. (Photo by Denis Poroy/Getty Images)
Pretend like the season just started. We just won our home opener and Heath Bell is on pace for like a billion saves. Will Venable is a major talent and Cam Maybin is the clutchiest player ever.
Keep pretending. You're not just sitting on a chair you bought from Ikea. That's actually an Eames lounge chair, and not one of those Russian knock-offs, but one with like Brazilian Rosewood. That sh_t's illegal.
Your TV isn't your TV, but the TV you really wanted. And it has a Roku that costs $300 for some reason. Like a Roku nobody else owns. That glass of Coke Zero in your hand? It's actually a bigger glass of Coke Zero.
But then the reality comes crashing down and you realize that we've only delayed the inevitable losing season for another day. At least we beat that b_tch Matt Cain though.
Go Padres.
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