The Five Most Ridiculous Padres Links I've Evar Read (on August 19th, 2011)

I think the weird thing about the day after your birthday is that it feels an awful lot like the day before your birthday except for the really messed things going on within your digestive system from eating two slices of Lefty's deep dish pizza, a Caliornia/Spicy Tuna Roll, a handful of crab-cake poppers, a party cup full of an unidentified Stone, some hot cocoa and a red vine.

That said, when I went through links this morning, I kept saying, "That's ridiculous." In sort of a Cantepa kind of way. Maybe I'm old and jaded now like Old Man Cantepa.

1. 8/17/11 at Nationals Park - It's pretty well known that we aren't fans of Overzealous Foul Ball Guy Zack Hample. That said. It's completely ridiculous that, in reading his latest blog post, that I'm not real excited when I find out that he gets punched in the face. And this coming from a guy who's fantasized about punching Zack Hample in the face. In fact, I guess it means that I dislike security more than Overzealous Foul Ball Guys, which is crazy. If you read through to the end of the post, there's a closeup of Zack's face complete with boo-boo on his nose, and I went right back to knowing what a douche that guy is.

2. Hedges has memorable birthday - Even more ridiculous than finding myself sympathizing with foul ball guy is the fact that I share a birthday with Austin Hedges. Once upon a time, August 18th, would have been known to Padres trivia fanatics as the day that Roberto Clemente, Marge Schott and Gaslamp Baller Dex were all born. Now this dude shows up and scores himself a $3 million birthday present from a team that I've been rooting for since 1976. A solid 16 years before he was even born. I bet he didn't even know that San Diego had a baseball team in 1984. Actually, I know that for a fact because his parents probably didn't even have fully capable reproductive systems between the two of them, much less a twinkle in their eye at that time. Where's my $3 million? Happy Birthday to us.

3. PADRES NOTES: Ross, Hedges take connection to the majors - And as Austin Hedges begins his career, he also begins the life of somebody who's going to get his quotes taken out of context. This one caught my eye as ridiculous though (emphasis mine):

Hedges, who was disappointed that he slipped to the second round, said he knew Sunday night that he would sign with the Padres.

Austin, no offense, buddy. I know you're young and you want the world, but when you're asking for millions of dollars more than what most of the other first round draft picks actually got, then you'll take the second round and your signing bonus and you will express complete and utter satisfaction with absolutely no disappointment whatsoever.

4. Draft picks welcomed before Stauffer, Padres beat Marlins - Bill Center turns up this gem:

"Some believe that Austin could defensively catch in the major leagues right now," said Jaron Madison, the Padres scouting director.

That's ridiculous. If that's true, then I take back what I said in #3. Austin Hedges can do whatever he wants as long as it indeed turns out that he's the next Ivan Rodriguez.

5. Vintage trolley is putting smiles on the faces of San Diegans - It's ridiculous that something from the past could make San Diegans smile. This is San Diego. We're high tech! We're the future! Actually, I may use this as evidence the next time I talk to Mentor about how people like old timey time things, like Padres uniforms circa old timey time.

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