The Top Five Most Amazing Padres Links EVAR EVAR!!! (August 16, 2011)
by Dex on Aug 16, 2011 9:32 AM PDT
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This time it's for real. I was reading stuff online and I was like, "OMG... One after another... The most amazing Padres links I've evar read..." At first, I thought, I will keep this to myself. And then I thought, Wait no... I will share this with the world, eleven visitors a day at a time...
1. Three more high picks sign at deadline - Joe Ross, the 25th pick in this year's draft and right handed pitcher out of Oakland Bishop O'Dowd High, just scored himself a cool $2 million. Second round pick Austin Hedges somehow managed an even cooler $3 million signing bonus. Austin Hedges was supposedly the best catcher evar in this year's draft and now has earned himself the nickname Sonic, as in "the Hedgehog", because his last name has the word "Hedge" in it and he "hogged" a sh_t ton of the Padres cash for playing baseball better than a bunch of high school kids. Also, that much scrilla can buy a bunch of jalapeno toasters. If he turns out to be fast like Sonic, then all the better.
Bonus Link: Mentor congratulates Jed, Jason, Jaron and staff for their good work in the signings and calls out Peach, Ish, Sugar Shana, Warren, me and jbox as not pulling our weight. Next season, jbox and me are gonna sign some dude for like $8M just because:
Great job by Jed, Jason, Jaron and staff evaluating, drafting and signing talent. The base is growing... @SDPadres @gaslampballless than a minute ago via Twitter for iPhone 
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Tom Garfinkel
TomGarfinkel
2. UCLA Strikes Out On MLB Signing Deadline Day - If you are a UCLA baseball fan, you will be missing Sonic behind the plate for you this season. If you are a USC/ASU/Cal/etc baseball fan, you will HA-ha.
3. Former Padre Hairston delivers winning RBI - This is exactly why we never should have let Scott Hairston go. If he was still on the Padres, that game winning RBI would be OURS. BELIEVE IT.
4. I don't know how you drink a beer with a hole in the bottom. Need something to plug that hole up that sits low. GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER.
5. 2:41 is my favorite.
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The beer pour from the bottom
has been out here at one of the casinos in yuma for quite a while. its a cool novelty.
Scowling at Padres Losses since 1981
theres a magnet at the bottom that seals the hole
when the beer is done, you have a souvenier magnet
Scowling at Padres Losses since 1981
Are you supposed to swallow the magnet
like you would the worm in tequila?
by jbox on Aug 16, 2011 9:46 AM PDT up reply actions 1 recs
whats nice about it
is it fills a cup of beer faster, shortening lines. Also there is less foam.
Scowling at Padres Losses since 1981
they should invent one of those things for hot dogs
Like you put an empty bun on the machine and a hot dog squirts up through the middle and then suddenly ketchup and mustard appear on the sides. And then there’s a magnet on the bottom of the bun.
by Dex on Aug 16, 2011 9:53 AM PDT up reply actions 1 recs
oh and dont forget
to have the wiener wrapped
Scowling at Padres Losses since 1981
by Nater Tater on Aug 16, 2011 10:01 AM PDT up reply actions
I also like how the beer server can't help but smile
it looks like he’s trying to be real serious, but can’t contain his joy when the cups start to fill.
It is a special cup
But don’t push up on the bottom while there’s still beer in it. Otherwise you’ll be left with less beer in the cup and more beer on your shoes.
"Beating the Red Sox feels SO GOOD.! SO GOOD! SO GOOD!" -jbox
Bolts from the Blue - General Manager: It is what it isn't
I miss those commercials....
Why ask a failed romance to come watch your successful one? You know, that's like inviting the Seattle Mariners to a World Series game. It's just weird for everyone.
They need to bring back marketing like that.
Those were the best.
"I'M NOT GOING TO ASK HIM FOR F_CKING TICKETS, DEX. I DON'T NEED A DEAL ON A F_CKING LUXURY SUITE." - Mike
They made me want to go to games
Made the players more personable. Plus, Bud Black is an acting legend. “Is Hoffy ready?”
Just pure brilliance.
Why ask a failed romance to come watch your successful one? You know, that's like inviting the Seattle Mariners to a World Series game. It's just weird for everyone.
by Friar Fever on Aug 16, 2011 6:12 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs
Isn't it enough to know that I ruined a pony making a gift for you? ◔ヮ◔
Uncommon Sportsman :: Absurdity in play
Glad i refreshed
cuz i was totally about to post the link to mentor mentioning GLB in his tweet. And now you did it. But he was calling you out so…no congrats for you!!!!!
Scowling at Padres Losses since 1981
I wonder when the Friar Fridays one is from
I’ve been doing Friar Fridays for a long long time it feels like.
I love Maddux so much.
Also, how fast do you think Heath volunteered to put on that outfit?
I love Maddux too,
but his acting skills remind me of the “Green Acres” episode when a Hollywood studio came to town to film a movie, and Mr. Haney told everyone not to look directly at the camera.
What I need is an electric monk
by Boilermaker19 on Aug 16, 2011 12:52 PM PDT up reply actions
Oh, I completely agree.
But his horrible acting is what makes those commercials so awesome.
That's the best part.
No pants. No problem.
by jodes0405 on Aug 16, 2011 2:40 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs
Heath probably pitched that commercial
that was back when he pitched very well!!!
Scowling at Padres Losses since 1981
Just noticed that once the video ends, there's a link to another Maddux commercial
It’s in English and then Spanish and stars other members of Padres past.
Why ask a failed romance to come watch your successful one? You know, that's like inviting the Seattle Mariners to a World Series game. It's just weird for everyone.
The English version
was one of my favorites. Although even if the chicks digged the long ball, Edmonds would have still been out of luck.
Chris Young: “Hey dudes, what’s goin’ on?”
Typical CY.
Isn't it enough to know that I ruined a pony making a gift for you? ◔ヮ◔
Uncommon Sportsman :: Absurdity in play
how did I miss that trevor time desk clock night???
do they have a place out there where you can buy past give-aways?
by Stephen (shaynes41) on Aug 16, 2011 3:03 PM PDT reply actions
I have the Qualcomm Stadium commemorative clock
they gave away in ’03 to season ticket holders.
No pants. No problem.
The one in the video...
was given away on April 27th 2007. Trevor shat the bed that game.
I will now retreat to my nerd lair and play with all my Padres bobbleheads*.
http://400in94.com/2009/07/23/trevor-time-desk-clock-sga-42707/
*Only kidding…..because removing them from the box decreases their value
RJ's Fro - "Fro" Knows Baseball
A guy was drinking out of one...
of those newfangled Bud cups.
He had only one complaint. Don’t press against the bottom.
He says it leaks. Lost beer=no bueno
~Chicks dig unhittable sliders and sick changeups.~
"Don’t press against the bottom."
where have I heard that before…
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Off topic...
Roy Halladay just hit a double (his first career extra base hit) and then took third on a grounder to the pitcher.
well, I guess 3 out of 4 isn't bad at all now...
@NCTPadres Dan Hayes
#Padres official tells us team does receive a comp pick for not signing Brett Austin. Most of us were under impression they didn’t get one.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
I must say they did surprise me
Pleasantly so, with getting most of the draftees signed.
by athletics68 on Aug 17, 2011 12:23 AM PDT up reply actions
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