How Did Mark Grant Get So F**king Fat?

Okay, Wiggins is kind of messing with you here. (Answer for those that care, though: BUFFETS!)

This is actually a Mark Grant appreciation thread. Surprise!

I bet you thought Wiggins was going to rip on Mark Grant as he did your precious T. Gwynn. And, for that matter, let Wiggins point out that Wiggins actually loves Tony, he just thinks Tony's hunger for carbs may have hurt the Padres World Series chances. That's all! But Wiggins will put that aside and admit that, no matter what, Tony is awesome. Respect.

So, Wiggins was thinking today, why is Mark Grant the man? Wiggins isn't gay, which means that should he ever have the chance to engage in a three-way, it would be girl-girl-Wiggins, not girl-guy-Wiggins. Actually, let Wiggins rewrite that: guy-girl-Wiggins (gotta get the guy as far away from Wiggins as possible).

But, if Wiggins absolutely had to team up with another dude, it would be Mark Grant. The guy would be totally hilarious and no doubt would have some excellent color commentary during the event.

And, Wiggins has a feeling there will be snacks and possibly even delicious beverages involved, too. Wiggins doesn't mind a good snack or beverage, no matter the time or place.

Mark Grant wasn't the best pitcher that ever lived, but he always brought a lot of humor to the team and Wiggins bets the clubhouse was all the merrier thanks to Mark Grant.

So, Mark Grant, Wiggins salutes you! And, should you and Wiggins ever end up in a Mark-girl-Wiggins situation, it's all good... just stay on the other side of the girl or WIGGINS WILL DESTORY YOU, no matter how much he loves you.

Now if you will excuse Wiggins, he has a bus to catch. Wiggins is going to try to get a cell phone at Parkway Plaza today. But Wiggins is also considering just going back to bed because the medicine he's taking for his tooth injury is making him sleepy.

This FanPost was written by a member of the Gaslamp Ball community and does not necessarily reflect the views of the Gaslamp Ball managers or SB Nation.

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