Around the Mission 3/29: Almost done with this preseason crap edition

JBox wants me to do links from now on because he's sick of links all the time. I said, I will do it! But then I asked that he help me gather links. That was two minutes ago and in the time it was taking me to get through the first paragraph of the first article, he f_ckin' busted out a s__t ton of links.

Like a boss.

Padres pitcher Latos to begin season on disabled list - SignOnSanDiego.com - Latos has bursitis, which, to me, sounds a lot like another common Spring Training condition I heard of called Aicallbullchitis. In my own imagination (which I'm sure certain someones on Twitter will get on me for), I think Latos got himself some touchups on some ink and didn't quite time the recovery right. Somebody check his knuckles for letters that spell FIREBALL.

PADRES: Best case-worst case scenarios for five players - My best case-worst case scenario for every player - Best Case - Generic Padres Player turns out to be some weird combination of Babe Ruth/Satchel Paige/Rickey Henderson. Worst case: Generic Padres Player comes over to my house while I'm asleep and poops diarrhea in my mouth and tells all my friends about it.

PADRES' 75TH ANNIVERSARY: Franchise's roots run much deeper than just major league club - Only two guys left that played when the Padres were a minor league club. Jackass reply: "The Padres aren't a minor league club?"

PADRES: Hunter makes it, Cabrera doesn't - I love me some Everth Cabrera, so I was glad he made the team. I also hate me some not so great baseball players thinking they deserve a spot just because they got themselves a huge-ass poster on the side of the building, so I'm glad he'll be the face of the Tucson Padres for now.

Woman Says Ex-Padre Giles Pulled Her Out Of Car By Hair - San Diego News Story - KGTV San Diego
 - Giles was quoted in my imagination as saying, "If she didn't want me to do it, she wouldn't have grown it that way." Misogynist.

I Wouldn’t Miss You if I Had Better Aim | Ducksnorts - Geoff is not pleased with our backup infield situation. I still hold out hope for a Brooks Conrad trade in the near future.

San Diego Padres' Away at the Park Returns Thursday | padres.com: Official Info - For these day game away at the parks, I'm gonna make all kinds of appearances and hang out with the joggers, homeless people, security guards and jodes.

Padres preview: New faces stand out - SignOnSanDiego.com - "But when you look around this room and think about all the faces missing from last season, it’s eerie." WTF? Multiple people have lost their faces!? Oh wait. I get it.