Wiggins was so optimistic only a couple days ago. Wiggins got himself looking nice, putting on a button-down shirt and sprinkling on some Old Spice before hopping on the bus and heading down to one of his favorite local bars. Wiggins was ready to get Wiggins some action, if you know what Wiggins means. And Wiggins thinks you know what Wiggins means. Aw yeah.
Wiggins takes his time scoping out the bar, seeing if there are any attractive single ladies. Finally Wiggins sets his sight on a brunette woman wearing beige pants, a navy blue shirt, and a classy jeans jacket. Not the type of jeans jacket you'd find at Walmart, but the kind you'd get a Pennys or Sears or something. She looked classy.
But it turned out she had a boyfriend.
Wiggins didn't discover this fact until he'd already bought her two drinks. What a waste of money. But to make matters worse, her boyfriend was meeting her here there in a little while. Okay, whatever. Wiggins moved on and found another place to sit. Unfortunately, he might have said a thing or two when he walked off. Things like "bitch" or "slut." It's hard to remember. Wiggins was a little tipsy.
Not too long later this dude taps on Wiggins shoulder. "Did you call my girlfriend names?" Okay, whatever. Wiggins said he did but in his defense she led him on and let Wiggins buy her two drinks before she mentioned she had a boyfriend. That's a bitch thing to do.
"Don't call my girlfriend a bitch, asshole." Wiggins told the guy to go screw himself then turned back to his Guinness. Too bad the guy didn't get the message. He told Wiggins something about "stepping outside." He started to take off his jacket, too, probably in anticipation of getting his ass kicked by Wiggins. That's when Wiggins noticed it: The guy was wearing a Dodgers shirt. It was one of those "fancy" Dodgers shirts with a collar and a design that makes it look like a dress shirt, but there was no mistaking it: Dodgers logo.
"Wait a minute, the Dodgers? You're in Padres country, son." Wiggins was starting to get livid. The guy made some retort about how the Dodgers are a "real" team. Wiggins snorted. But then the guy's girlfriend came over and started stirring up more trouble. It turns out she was a Dodgers fan, too. Wiggins asked if they were from LA. "Born and raised in San Diego, but we just like PROFESSIONAL sports." They both started saying crap like that.
Wiggins had enough of these traitors. He yelled "What does Benedict Arnold's pussy taste like!?" before landing two punches squarely in the guy's face. The guy didn't even have a chance to react. He quickly turtled into a ball on the ground. Wiggins throught about kicking him but instead grabbed what was left of his Guinness and poured it over the loser. "Wiggins is making it rain!" Wiggins sung. That's when his girlfriend went wild and started screaming for the bartender to call the police, which he apparently had already done before Wiggins even threw his first punch. Then these guys Wiggins don't know came over and held his arms and wouldn't let him leave. Wiggins could have taken them out if there weren't four of them. Wimps.
It didn't take long for the cops to arrive and before Wiggins knew it he was spending yet another night in jail. It was worth it, though. Wiggins has a court date soon, but he probably won't go. Wiggins thinks it might be during a time there's a Padres day game or something. Wiggins' mom is really mad at him about all of this and said he deserved to be in jail for what he did. Wiggins is starting to wonder if she's secretly a Dodgers fan...
Now, if you'll excuse Wiggins, it's time to go play some NBA Jam and let off some steam.