Chris Denorfia receives one-year deal with our San Diego Padres

by Dex on Dec 13, 2011 8:18 AM PST

As Chris Denorfia agrees to his one-year deal with the club, the pieces of the puzzle are falling into place. Assuming that Orlando Hudson and Jason Bartlett are still on the trading block and that one or both may not make it to Petco come April, our big leaguers for the 2012 season are Huston Street and Chris Denorfia and some zombie combination of a middle infield.

And that's it...

If the season were to start tomorrow...

I believe the plan is for Huston Street to shift to closer in a new one man rotation and for Chris Denorfia to learn catcher. Both Street and Denorfia will wear catchers gear. Denorfia will obviously wear it because of his time to be spent behind the plate. Street will wear the gear in order to literally throw himself in front of batted balls, considering that he will have a zombie infield and no definitive outfielders. Chris Denorfia will use his superhuman speed and diving ability to run down any balls that make it past street and the walking dead infield.

Bud Selig has approved a petition filed by the Padres to allow "ghost" runners, though the rule allowing ghost runners to advance on wild pitches will not be used because that would just be pathetic.

Chris Denorfia

#13 / Center Field / San Diego Padres

Height: 6-0

Weight: 195

Bats: R

Throws: R

Born: Jul 15, 1980

Hulk: Smash

First purchase as a millionaire: Swimming pool with diving board

Get it? Cause he likes to dive.

Tweet Comment 20 comments | 1 recs |

Do you like this story?

Comments

I'm waiting for the headline

that reads, “Padres trade all their AAA prospects for A prospects”.

by EvilSammy on Dec 13, 2011 8:45 AM PST reply actions

How about...

“Padres trade all of their A and AA prospects for cash, plan to buy series of middle schools with really good baseball program.”

by Dex on Dec 13, 2011 8:59 AM PST up reply actions

Padres trade system for rights to Steve Garvey's seed.

Oh internet, what a wicked web you weave.

by Mad_Villain on Dec 13, 2011 9:12 AM PST up reply actions

I tweeted the middle school one

I should’ve tweeted EvilSammy’s first and gone with a build….

by Dex on Dec 13, 2011 9:14 AM PST up reply actions

How silly

With the contracts offered yesterday, all players on the 40-man roster are tied to the Padres at least for this year. The only question is whether any of the players will go all the way through the arbitration process or compromise. They’re all Padres regardless, pitchers, catchers, everyone. All graduated from middle school a very long time ago.

If you insist on writing such whimsy, I’m going to want my money back.

by playingwithinmyself on Dec 13, 2011 9:43 AM PST reply actions

Such a droll comment!

Oh forsooth! Doth sarcasm did indeed sprouteth wings unlike that of a celestial maiden and lept, nay flew, well beyond thon head of masturbatorily namethed Gaslamp Baller.

by Dex on Dec 13, 2011 9:49 AM PST up reply actions 9 recs