What's going into the new San Diego Padres uniforms?

We've had many conversations with many a person about what the new Padres uniforms are going to look like. They are going to be unveiled this week! We've seen all the same rumors at this point and it's probably good to round up where we're at with some ODDS! PLACE YOUR BETS, BITCHES! 

Incidentally, I believe the waiting period for getting a uniform change in is over a full season. The new uniforms to be introduced this week would've had to have been submitted to the league over a year ago. Sorry, bandwagon Bring Back the Browners. If you only just got on board, you're efforts are influencing 2013, at the earliest.

Bring Back the Brown: 40-1
Unless something drastic happens and the Padres have been purposely misleading us, there will NOT be any brown in the new uniforms. The thinking is that Padres blue is the thing to do, not the color of poo or used up chew.

Re-Introduction of orange: 8-1
One historical color that never gets mentioned is orange. Orange has featured prominently in the past, and doesn't get talked about in the front office. I would've thought that this would've been a good choice for secondary color, but the recent introduction of the Marlins uniforms makes me think that the Padres are NOT going to go to orange. If I didn't know about the Marlins uniform, I would've imagined as high as 6-1 that orange would be brought back.

Redesign of the Primary Logo: 2-1
If there's one thing that I think we've complained loudly enough about, it's the fact that shampoo bottle logo sucks. Last year, the Padres shifted to emphasize the interlocking SD. This year, odds are hopefully GREAT that shampoo will be abandoned, or maybe that's just me being extra hopeful. More than bringing back the brown. More than ditching the unreadable Padres script font. I want to get rid of the Padres wave. 

Sand sucks: 3-2
Word on the street is that sand doesn't quite make sense. The team ditched the road sands this past season and there's a good chance that the color will be phased out completely. The San Diego Tourism Board is freaking out about this I'm sure. "How will people know that there are beaches in San Diego!? We need the Padres to highlight this fact for us through their baseball uniforms! PEOPLE DON'T KNOW THAT SAN DIEGO HAS BEACHES."

Pin Stripes: 6-1
The front office LOVES "classic" baseball, which basically means baseball played before 1969 when the Padres didn't exist in any other form, but a practice squad for the Boston Red Sox. Now, obviously, the Padres aren't a practice squad for the Boston Red Sox, but actually a practice squad for the Red Sox, Rangers, White Sox and a number of other American League baseball teams. So if the Padres love "classic" then they must love pin stripes. Kinda like a junior league Yankees. However, to me, pinstripes would be a pretty drastic change and word on the street has been that this is an "evolution and not a revolution".

You say you want a revolution? Well... You know. We all want to change the world.

I'd like a pony.

Piping: 5-1
Piping though. That's some classic without drastic. If having a pullover jersey screams 1970's minor leaguer to you, then you gotta emphasize the fact that the jerseys have buttons and one way to do that, short of really big buttons, is to add some lines. Because nothing says major leaguer than some nice clean lines on a baseball jersey.  

New Font: 6-1
I hate the Padres font. The one that spells "Padres". When done right, it screams "shampoo". When done wrong, it's unreadable and only shouts "shampoo". The road jersey font I don't mind as much with the San Diego "bowtie" effect, but it too doesn't make much sense, unless of course you're a member of the San Diego Tourism Board and you want to once again highlight the "Sand" in "San Diego". Like, "WHAT ELSE CAN WE DO TO PROVE TO PEOPLE THAT SAN DIEGO HAS BEACHES!?!?! THIS IS A CRISIS!" 

New Font is the Old Font: 12-1
This one I will leak some info to you. We've talked with people who tell us that the old school 70's font was being strongly considered, which reflects in the Tucson Padres branding. Will it show up on the new uniforms? I'd like for it to, but I'd bet 12 to win 1 that it doesn't.

Jeff Moorad's face will be incorporated on the Swinging Friar: 35-1
Perhaps inspired by Gunjasufi's take on the Swinging Friar, there are rumblings that the current Friar looks a little too pervy all clean shaven and wearing a dress. How do you fix that? Add a beard. However, adding a beard to an imposingly large and balding mascot? That's leaving you with a Jeff Moorad caricature. 

Padres will shift to Red, Black and White: 40-1
You know what's hot right now? Aztec athletics. You know what else is the new hottness? Old school Padres PCL where they once upon a time wore themselves some red. Also, I hear they like red in Arizona, and red is just about the only color the Padres haven't worn.

New Padres Military Uniforms to Feature Tie Dye Peace Symbols: 38-1
There is a minority voice that is very outspoken about the fact that the Padres associate themselves with the military and, in a way, glamorize the very violent and deadly job that our armed services are often asked to do. To placate those voices, the Padres may be considering a rainbow colored tie dye jersey to show that, in addition to supporting our servicemen and women, they also support peace and hippies. As a matter of coincidence, Saturday evening start times will be moved to 4:20 to give the hippies a chance to hit the dispensary after the game.

And that's it. Me? I like the color blue, because I have a lot of blue in my wardrobe. I also like the color brown, because it too goes well with my personal palette. Orange though? That would be sick.