Theo Epstein to join the Chicago Cubs, end curse, turn Cubs Fan into insufferable prick.

The Holy See has finally approved the deal that is going to drive the cursed spirits out of Chicago forever. Theo Epstein, who has banished the curses that befell the City of Boston since Babe Ruth was sold to the New York Yankees, has received word from the Vatican that he is now allowed to perform exorcisms with the Cubs Baseball Club. Using things like "science" and "mathematics", Theo Epstein has vowed to send the goat devil away from Chicago forever to await judgement from above.

Unfortunately for Padres Fans, Padres GM Jed Hoyer and Director of Scouting Jason McLeod were also instrumental in banishing the evils away from Boston forever. Fans of our local baseball club will need to keep a close eye on Theo Epstein to see who, if anybody, he needs to recruit to complete his holy mission.

Also, the one after effect that Epstein will need to avoid while accomplishing his spiritual tasks in Chicago is ensuring that the fans of the city do not turn into insufferable pricks in the same way that all of Boston Fandom was turned into insufferable pricks once their curse was lifted. Much like the works of the fabled Pet Semetary or Monkey's Paw, when bringing back something that's been dead, you sometimes unleash an insufferable, prickish, douchebag evil greater than that you were hoping to banish.


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