but a rolicking good time.

“You know who’s overlooked? Adrian Fucking Gonzalez. Nobody in the world outside of Adrian Gonzalez’s immediate family has any idea he even exists, much less that he is one of the very best hitters in the world. A reporter recently asked Yorvit Torrealba to talk about how good Adrian Gonzalez has been for the Pads this year, and Torrealba said, “There is no one on our team by that name. You are mistaken. Perhaps you mean to ask about David Eckstein?” Then he directed the reporter over to a velvet-roped-off area down the left field line where David Eckstein was standing on a giant lazy susan, like a 20-foot Bowrider at a boat show, rotating slowly as thousands of screaming journalists took his picture so they could say they once got the chance to see the great David Eckstein in person. And while this was happening, Adrian Gonzalez, who has a .922 OPS hitting in fucking Petco every night, was outside gnawing on discarded chicken wings in a dumpster because he doesn’t even get paid for playing baseball, because nobody knows who he is. That’s a true story, people."

Pure gold.

I’ve been to Petco like six times — it’s a stunning park, in a beautiful city, with perfect weather, and nobody goes to the games. Nobody, ever, for any reason. On any given night, 40% of the people in Petco are middle-aged Orange County couples dressed entirely in linen who drank a little too much white wine during lunch and got lost on their way to the La Jolla Playhouse. (That’s right. 40%.)