Karsten Whitson was the #9 overall pick in the 2010 Major League Baseball Draft and I already hate him.

via i.tsn.com

First off, there is all this confusion about whether he's related to Ed Whitson. People said he was and then poopy-pants-people like Mark Grant and Corey Brock tell me he's not. Screw you! I say we start a petition and get Ed Whitson to adopt Karsten. That way we can love him like Padres offspring, but maybe he doesn't suffer from the Tony Gwynn Factor.

Second, Florida is America's Wang. I don't care if they prefer the Sunshine State. He's an American Wangite (or do they prefer Wangonese?).

Third, only two pitches; a fastball and a slider? That's it?!? Make like a good stock portfolio and diversify. Then we can talk.

Fourth, why do we need to draft pitchers? The organization keeps talking like we need more pitching. Our pitching's fine and we didn't even draft most of these guys. Bell, Adams and Correia came off of other teams' scrap heaps. LeBlanc came in the 2nd round and Latos in like the 4 millionth, pure profit. Gregerson was basically a throw in for a guy that could only team equipment. And, Jon Garland, thank you San Diego discount. Moar hitterz pleez!

Lastly, he was picked by the Padres. He's cursed. The last time we picked a high school pitcher in the first round it was 10 years ago and it some nobody named Mark Phillips or Phil Markips or something. Yeah, you've never heard of him either. Same goes for a bunch of Padres draft picks. Maybe someday they allow trading picks and the Padres can have more luck with picks that aren't technically there's. Or maybe they can just get out of the first round entirely and pick more in that fruitful 4 millionth round where the Peavy's, Blanks' and Latoseseseses come from.

Anyway, I've decided to hate him. Hey, I loved all the other picks the Padres have made (okay maybe not you East County Hatorade Vendor) so I'll try hating this guy and maybe he'll succeed. Yeah, that's the ticket. So, good luck kid! Oh, Jesus Lopez, I already screwed that up already didn't I?