Opening Day Checklist
by jbox on Apr 5, 2010 10:19 AM PDT
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Print- Set DVR to record Padres game on Channel 4. Even if you are able to escape from work to watch some of the game you're going to want to review the game later and relive the experience. This will also be Dick Enberg's first time calling a Padres game so you are going to want to pour over his every word.
- Wear Padres gear to work to let everybody know that you are a super fan. A good portion of your co-workers probably have no idea that baseball season is starting. Your job is to remind them.
- Find a way to get out of work before the 2 o'clock start time. This is going to be tricky because at this point you've already made such a big deal about the Padres to your co-workers that they are going to be watching you like a hawk when 2 o'clock comes around. You need to start fake coughing and complaining of a headache right now. If your co-workers catch on you are going to need to do something really drastic at 1pm... poop your pants. You can't lose. No co-worker will stop you from leaving now and even if they find out you pooped yourself on purpose they will only respect your fanhood that much more.
- Put a trash bag on your car seat and drive to Petco Park immediately. There will be free parking.
- Waddle to the Padres Store, buy Padres sweat pants and change into them in the women's restroom. Try to flush dirty underwears and pants down the toilet. Find a spot on the grass, relax and watch the game. You deserve it.
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What if I don't live in San Diego?
"I aim to misbehave." - Mal Reynolds
Bolts From The Blue - Heavy with the facts, slightly less heavy with the opinions.
by Zach (maestro876) on Apr 5, 2010 10:25 AM PDT reply actions
What if I always boo boo in my pants, and have no where to sneak out of?
California, what have you done to me?
by CurbEnthusiasm on Apr 5, 2010 12:21 PM PDT up reply actions
Opening Day Checklist
DVR set to record, Check.
Boxers, Check.
Pooping yourself while wearing boxers is a bad idea.
Why the women’s restroom?
"When the going gets tough... TheGrandHatching pops in later." -- WG
by TheGrandHatching on Apr 5, 2010 10:28 AM PDT reply actions
Step 2
Definitely wearing my Padres shirt today. No one has said anything to me all morning.
"i kinda feel like nevin and klesko were some fling we (the padres) had in the past and now realize were a bad idea and are embarrassed about."
someone just told me to get rid of my shirt
a redsox fan… from canada.
"i kinda feel like nevin and klesko were some fling we (the padres) had in the past and now realize were a bad idea and are embarrassed about."
I don't have work, so no need to poop pants
I win
twitter.com/matthewverygood
by matthewverygood on Apr 5, 2010 10:46 AM PDT reply actions
I think jodes wrote this post about Everth
Isn't it enough to know that I ruined a pony making a gift for you? ◔ヮ◔
Uncommon Sportsman :: Absurdity in play
I have a furlough day today....
The economy’s way of letting me watch the game.
Oh internet, what a wicked web you weave.
I know how you feel...
except I’m unemployed.
I just want to get paid to draw naked girls, is that so much to ask?
pooping my pants isn't going to work
I’ve overused that little ruse and everyone at work sees right through it.
I was dating this girl from Canada... after about a month I found out she didn't know what sport the Padres played, she thought "padre" was spelled p-o-d-r-a-y and she thought it was some kind of a fish. Dealbreaker.
A Padres poem I just wrote
My glove is oiled, my pants are soiled,
nothing stands in my way.
But I’ve overused that little ruse,
And I’ll miss opening day.
I was dating this girl from Canada... after about a month I found out she didn't know what sport the Padres played, she thought "padre" was spelled p-o-d-r-a-y and she thought it was some kind of a fish. Dealbreaker.
by Johnny UT on Apr 5, 2010 11:45 AM PDT up reply actions 3 recs
Better:
To see the game, I have no shame,
My underpants are soiled.
But I’ve overused that little ruse,
And all my plans are foiled.
I was dating this girl from Canada... after about a month I found out she didn't know what sport the Padres played, she thought "padre" was spelled p-o-d-r-a-y and she thought it was some kind of a fish. Dealbreaker.
by Johnny UT on Apr 5, 2010 12:10 PM PDT via mobile up reply actions 1 recs
Sounds like your boss is a Dodgers fan
Lamar = Laker for Life...Go Pads...Go Bolts
by mrbarneydangles on Apr 5, 2010 12:12 PM PDT up reply actions
Or Communist
Who doesn’t like America’s past-time.
I'm trying to think but nothing happens ~ Curly Howard
he said
im not wearing proper business attire, but who cares, i can still sell cellphones in a pads shirt!
You need to get
an SD polo/ golf shirt or a Padres tie; not sure how severe your dresscode be.
www.FriarsOnCardboard.blogspot.com
"jbox does not drink coffee, as it makes him clean house big time." ~Kev
by TheThinGwynn on Apr 5, 2010 12:54 PM PDT up reply actions
thats a good idea
last year i got written up because i would play the padres games on the store stereo system. it was worth it.
Have not followed any of the steps above.
Will just have to listen to the first two hours of the game from work . . .
This is a terrible thing for the Padres. - Jerry Coleman
I called my Boss
to tell him I was taking the rest of the day off to watch the Padres game. He told me he has been pregamming since Sunday.
The bankruptcy hearing will be fun in a few months.
"Over? Did you say "over"? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!"
Don't hate the game, hate the nerds!
by thenerdhater on Apr 5, 2010 1:12 PM PDT reply actions 4 recs
yes
Isn't it enough to know that I ruined a pony making a gift for you? ◔ヮ◔
Uncommon Sportsman :: Absurdity in play
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