Anti-Retro Night at Petco Park
by Dex on Apr 27, 2010 12:49 PM PDT
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PrintDear Mentor,
Here is an idea I've been kicking around for a theme night at Petco Park. I hope you will consider it for a game in the near future (pardon the pun, which I'm not even sure is a proper pun).
Background
Think on this:
What are people really really into? The answer is retro stuff. They love everything old being used as new, because if there's one thing people love, it's proving that stuff that others thought wasn't cool anymore actually still is cool. Like the color brown. And the word "rad".
Maybe they like doing this because they missed the boat on whatever the actual hip new thing is. Maybe they like saving money and want to make sure they can still wear flannel plaids. Whatever. It's just a basic fact of life like bees making honey or the love of a good woman warming the bitterest winter night.
Now, think on this. What do people really want more than proving that something they still are into is still cool?
Answer: They want to discover the cool new thing!
Like, for example, I only recently discovered that it's no longer cool to say "totally". Instead, people are saying "totes" or "tote" as in, "that's a totes cool slang word you got there". I made fun of my acquaintance for using this new slang, but inside, I burned with jealousy that they had discovered it before me.
What if, for a day at the ballpark, everybody was participating in stuff that hasn't been discovered to be cool yet?
The Idea
That brings us to my idea: The opposite of Retro Night... Anti-Retro Night! (or Futuristical Night)
Instead of wearing uniforms that people wore once upon a time, all of the ballplayers dress in uniforms that haven't been invented. Put them in futuristic clothing like Rayon or Neoprene. Maybe instead of velcro and zippers, the clothes are held together with plastic Ziploc zips. Make the uniforms glow or light up in some way. The uniform numbers would be presented in binary.
The stadium announcer would be pre-programmed with a crazy robot voice.
Instead of old timey time retro music, the music will be extra futuristic and nonsensical. Maybe static. Something the kids will complain is too loud and makes no sense because it's what their kids will be into.
The Madres table would be operated by 9 year old girls.
You could sell future beer that's been dyed blue and charge 2038 prices for it. I'm thinking $80 for a 14oz beer. Have the money go to (obviously) Padres Foundation.
On the screens, instead of "Make some noise" or "Clap your hands", the boards would all say, "Audiolize your metacarpus and motion appendages!" or "Phonicitalize your eating receptacles!"
The Padres players photographs would all be Photoshopped to make the guys look really really old. Kyle Blanks would have a really long gray beard. Matt Stairs would show a picture of a mummy. David Eckstein would be part robot cyborg.
That's all I got. I hope that this pleases you, Mentor. Let me know if you need help setting this up.
Your protégé,
Dex
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Comments
Wait
When did we stop using “rad”?
"This team looks dangerous, like a convict with a temper, nothing to lose and a switch blade." -jbox
by MrDanielX on Apr 27, 2010 12:52 PM PDT reply actions 1 recs
The Madres table would be operated by 9 year old girls.
HAHAHAHA.
"I'm a Padre at heart. Always gonna root for the Padres. Twenty-five years [with this organization], how can't you? Next year I'm gonna be rooting like a son-of-a-gun for these guys and for Blackie ... I'm gonna be rooting for the next general manager here, rooting for the city, the fans, everybody. I think a lot of San Diego." -Kevin Towers
Didn't the Giants
wear future uniforms at one time? I seem to remember Bonds wearing a uniform with a giant SF across the front of the jersey? I can’t seem to find a picture on the interwebs though.
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Well, um, frankly Dex, I think this is... is, a brilliant idea!
by The Kipper on Apr 27, 2010 12:59 PM PDT reply actions 1 recs
I'm glad you cropped that picture at the waist
because I’ve seen that picture before and the costume is quite revealing.
I was tempted to reveal the revealing part
So every one would have the same revelation that we have had, but I didn’t.
And you called me crazy
actually you said, “crasy” but whatever.
I just want to get paid to draw naked girls, is that so much to ask?
I guess it isn't showing up anymore
I just want to get paid to draw naked girls, is that so much to ask?
Right click
“Copy URL” then just paste it in a new tab.
"This team looks dangerous, like a convict with a temper, nothing to lose and a switch blade." -jbox
Laziest designer evar.
Mountain West Connection ::Above the Rest::
Bolts From The Blue "There’s a gleam men. Let’s go get the gleam! Focus and Finish!!! One play at a time!!! Let's Go!!!"
it kind of reminds me of that movie "You've got mail"...I'm Tom Hanks he's Meg Ryan -- Padres prospect Matt Antonelli on sdsuaztec4
by Sam (sdsuaztec4) on Apr 27, 2010 1:35 PM PDT up reply actions
Looks like a tuxedo tshirt
Don't hate the game, hate the nerds!
by thenerdhater on Apr 27, 2010 2:40 PM PDT up reply actions
Could be worse.
"This team looks dangerous, like a convict with a temper, nothing to lose and a switch blade." -jbox
Tony Gwynn could be the only one with a normal pic and his name can be
Tony Gwynn IIX
Oh internet, what a wicked web you weave.
Blerrrrnnnn.
"I'm a Padre at heart. Always gonna root for the Padres. Twenty-five years [with this organization], how can't you? Next year I'm gonna be rooting like a son-of-a-gun for these guys and for Blackie ... I'm gonna be rooting for the next general manager here, rooting for the city, the fans, everybody. I think a lot of San Diego." -Kevin Towers
by jodes0405 on Apr 27, 2010 1:50 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs
The $80 blue beers
Must have dry ice in them. It’s a Law of the Future. All beverages smolder, mad scientist style.
Thats a deck idea Dudestien
I'm so high that they call me Your Highness
If you don't know me then pardon my shyness.
Future Padres
It would also mean you’d have to play without Adrian Gonzalez
Don't hate the game, hate the nerds!
Stir-ups are making a comeback in the future!
Sweet!
"This team looks dangerous, like a convict with a temper, nothing to lose and a switch blade." -jbox
o ya
cup those balls
I'm so high that they call me Your Highness
If you don't know me then pardon my shyness.
I’m not seeing any jetpacks or neon rings.
Isn't it enough to know that I ruined a pony making a gift for you? ◔ヮ◔
Uncommon Sportsman :: Absurdity in play
Close
Don't hate the game, hate the nerds!
by thenerdhater on Apr 27, 2010 2:54 PM PDT up reply actions
So the Mets are going to move to Mercury?
I just want to get paid to draw naked girls, is that so much to ask?
why am I not surprised....
Isn't it enough to know that I ruined a pony making a gift for you? ◔ヮ◔
Uncommon Sportsman :: Absurdity in play
In the future
they could have a holographic friar that never stops imploring us to MAKE SOME NOISE!
by SeeAnFrockOh on Apr 27, 2010 3:16 PM PDT reply actions 1 recs
and holographic ears flying around the stadium
I just want to get paid to draw naked girls, is that so much to ask?
you want a true throwback thursday
play the game at Quallcomm
Embarass the organization...VEGEMITE!!! ~Bud Black
by icaughthundleys#4 on Apr 27, 2010 9:19 PM PDT reply actions 1 recs
That would actually be fun... bring back some memories.
"This team looks dangerous, like a convict with a temper, nothing to lose and a switch blade." -jbox
Quick question about cyborg Eckstein.
Despite his obvious biomechanical advancements, do people still refer to his heart, grit, moxie, and/or scrappiness as the best part of his game?
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