Heath Bell: On a scale from Zero to Tony Gwynn

SAN DIEGO, CA - APRIL 5: Closer Heath Bell #21 of the San Diego Padres looks on from the mound in the 9th inning against the San Francisco Giants during their MLB Game at Petco Park on April 5, 2011 in San Diego, California. Bell got the save with the Padres 3-1 win. (Photo by Donald Miralle/Getty Images)


The Zero to Tony Gwynn scale is a rating of a Padres' importance to the San Diego Padres and their fans. The scale works to determine the relative importance of a particular Padre based on the assumption that Tony Gwynn is the perfect representation of the San Diego Padres.

Now's about where we start getting a little bit tricky. You thought Steve Garvey was tough to judge? I say to you, HA!

One of the things I love about Heath Bell is that one of the things Heath Bell would love is to be considered that guy for a club. And who knows? Maybe Heath really is that guy for us.

He's outspoken. He backs up his talk. He likes to play Wii. He's made the sting of losing a verified Padres legend hurt just a little bit less. He likes the team and I don't think he likes the other team.

Now the other stuff. He's only really been in this wacky new role of his for a relatively short amount of time. Before that he was just the latest in a long line of amazing setup men the Padres have had. Had the Trevor Hoffman relationship blown up at any time before when it did, I'd be posting something about Akinori Otsuka or whatsisname. The other guy... Scott Linebrink.

Heath has also decided to replace Hell's Bells with a Voldemort. Something that should not be named for its amazing amount of suck. He also has a weird habit of saying things that I'm not sure he should be saying.

To paraphrase Michael Kors' critique of Jesus Estrada. Heath Bell knows how to play baseball, but taste is something you can't learn.

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