Ouija Board interviews, flesh eating bacteria and ghosts

by jbox on Sep 15, 2009 4:38 PM PDT Comment 6 comments

Jeff Moorad High School Photo???

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I was thinking last night that a good weekly feature for Gaslamp Ball would be us interviewing spirits about the Padres using a Ouija board. If I were reading a baseball blog that's exactly the kind of thing I'd want to read. Two dudes with their hands on a planchette talking to dead people about baseball. Maybe even summoning deceased Padres. The problem is that I've heard too many scary stories about people opening themselves up to demonic attacks by using Ouija boards. No thank you.
As soon as I heard that Kyle Blanks had heel pain way back at the beginning of August, I knew his season was over. I knew because I got me a case of the Plantar Fasciitis last Spring. I thought I got mine from a dirty mattress in the orient, but after reading everything on the internet I found that you can't catch it that way. Plantar Fascia takes forever to heal, especially since people have a hard time staying off their feet. Some people suffer from it for years and even decades. It doesn't help either when you weigh the same amount as a baby elephant.
Speaking of "fasciitis"... did you hear that Jeff Moorad got himself a case of necrotizing fasciitis 12 years ago? It's a viscous flesh eating disease. It has to be treated aggressively within the first 72 hours or you're dead. He obviously survived and he took inventory on his life and decided from that day until his last that he wanted to own baseball teams.
I emailed Pad Squad Andre to see if he had heard the rumors that Petco Park was haunted. He told me that it was good to hear from me, which wasn't even close to an answer to my question.
We should talk more, this was fun wasn't it?

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Yes

Yes, it was.

Some other stuff:
I was experimenting with the Internet Wayback Machine and was looking at classic GLB posts from 2005, where Jake Peavy’s horoscope was used in pre-game analysis. A healthy mix of completely made-up science is refreshing when all we usually talk about is made-up math.

Moorad’s lucky we stopped the turning. We’ve all been inundated with zombie culture recently and he wouldn’t stand a chance.

I emailed Lingerie Football today, but I’m not expecting to hear back from them.

Isn't it enough to know that I ruined a pony making a gift for you? ◔ヮ◔
Uncommon Sportsman :: Absurdity in play

by Axion on Sep 15, 2009 4:53 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs