BREAKING: San Diego Padres to implement the Wildcat Formation

Gaslamp Ball has just received word from official sources that the Padres have decided to start practicing the Wildcat formation in an effort to turn things around for the team.

"The key to the Wildcat is surprise," said manager Bud Black. "We play the game how we normally play it, but you throw the Wildcat in there and it's anybody's guess as to what happens next."

GM Kevin Towers feels the Padres have been building towards the right mix of personnel to effectively implement the first Wildcat formation in Major League Baseball.

"I watch me a lot of football," Kevin Towers said Thursday. "And the thing that I see is that you need a few things to really pull off a Wildcat formation successfully."

First on the list is improving overall team speed, which Towers feels he is close to achieving with the play of Tony Gwynn, Will Venable, David Eckstein and Everth Cabrera.

"Those guys be fast," Towers noted.

Second on the list is having really big dudes who can run.

"A guy like Kyle [Blanks] is key to Wildcat. You need a guy who can run with the ball, throw the ball or lay down a critical block when needed."

Referencing Kyle Blanks' massiveness, Towers also noted, "You put 285 pounds of pure manimal in motion in front of a guy like Venable - who just happens to be lined up at QB - you do something like that? Something like that with Adrian lined up at tight end?"

Not completing the thought, Towers whistled appreciatively before wiping beads of sweat from his brow. 

Tom Garfinkel was coy about the marketing implications of a major league baseball team running the infamous Wildcat formation.

"Let's just say that it's gonna be the next best thing since sliced bread," said Garfinkel. "The actual best thing since sliced bread being sliced bread with various breakfast items on top."