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Fear and Loathing in The District: A Savage Journey to the Heart of the Nationals Park President's Club

My GPS had betrayed me. Don't you just hate getting f**ked by your GPS? It's the worst. So my drive to Peter's place ended up with a more scenic route. I'll start with a few pics of monuments...look how old those buildings are. They're probably like 80 or 90 years old. (Poor quality alert: These were taken from a moving car...by me...while I was driving.)

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Star-divide

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So I get to his house. We immediately have a Vesper. So damn good. Off to The District.

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Peter driving us to the Metro Station.

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Metro. Love it down there....so cool.

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First stop was Ben Chili's Bowl. We each had a Chili Half-Smoke, shared an order of Chili-Cheese fries and had chocolate milk shakes to wash that down. No exaggeration, one of the best meals I have ever had. Period. 

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Coming up out of the metro station onto the street in front of the park. This is about the time I got the text from 'Tec saying he wasn't going to make it. No TTG and no 'Tec. I guess I won't be meeting up with any GLBers in DC...or will I????

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Just some boring ballpark pics. Decent shot of Aid and Dunn. Our seats were crazy good. 4th row on top the Nats Dugout. We got down to our seats a little late. It was already 2-0 Nationals

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The presidency has not worn well on Mr. Obama. He's gotten fat and white. Sad.

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We were in our seats maybe 15 minutes before everybody started ducking for cover. Just long enough to kill one beer.  NOW is when the night gets great....

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David Gregory: Moderator of "Meet the Press"...former NBC White House Correspondent. This is very funny because the tickets I was using were given to me by my good friend, Major Garrett, who just happens to be the White House Correspondent for FOX News. (Major is from San Diego and is a HUGE Padres fan...crazy like us.) I really only got the picture to f**k with Major.

So...rain delay. Peter and I cruise over the elevators to get up to the Press Box/Media Areas and I start bullshitting the lady working security...she buys the story I'm selling and let's us in. We get in the elevator and go to the 7th floor...we walk out of the elevator and I literally walk straight into...

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Mark Neely, bitches! Really, really nice guy. I told him I knew Mud and came up to say hello and Neely cruised down the hall to get him for me. (I had no press pass and the guys up stairs on security weren't as easy as the other lady.)

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Mud! "Anybody on Earth that doesn't like Mark Grant...they've got problems." Let me tell you something about Mud...dude KNOWS his hats. 

Mud: "Love your hat. Is that a Country Gentleman?"

Me: "Uhh...(take it off and look inside)...yeah. A Country Gentleman."

Mud: "You got that at Macy's?"

Me: "Uhhh...yeah."

Mud: "Yeah, they've also got one navy..."

Dude KNOWS his lids. Good advice from Mud: He told me to put the front brim of my hat down...always take advice from an expert.

So, we talk with Mud for awhile and then they have to go for top of the hour update. We get back in the elevator and get off on the wrong level. We're looking at the door of the President's Club.

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We hand our tickets over to the guy working the door of the President's Club and show our tickets hoping for entry. No go. We chat him up for awhile...really good guy...I can't use his name and couldn't get a picture with him though (you'll find out why later). He tells us he really wishes he could let us in. 

Me: "Come on. We'll be cool. No problems. What do you say?"

President's Club Doorman: "These are really expensive tickets. I would be taking a BIG risk."

Peter: "No risk...we'll be cool."

PCD: "Man...you ain't even speakin' my language."

Peter: "What language do you speak?"

They walk down the hall a bit...2 minutes (and $40) later we're getting orange wrist bands and a tour of the President's Club. UNREAL buffet...very cool bar.

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Behind that glass wall is the Nationals batting cage.

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Better shot of the cages. Notice no one is hitting. 

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The post-game media press conference room is right behind a glass wall in the bar as well. I begged a security dude to let me sit at the table and get a pic...he wasn't having it. 

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When you step out the doors of the President's Club here's the huge patio. Tarps still in place and still raining.

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Two words: Ham Merred. President's Club Chef's Hat and a double Makers Mark with a splash of water.

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They're "monitoring the situation" while we continue a friendly take over of the bar. 

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Making friends in the bar. This is Steve and Kate. Kate LOVED my hat. Damn they were funny.

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Rain is over! Tarps being removed! Baseball? At this point...our good buddy PCD finds us at the bar and tells us he wants to show us our new seats. 3rd row directly behind the plate. Sweet.

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Latos...pick or a scratch?

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Perdomo giving up a million runs. All because he walked the f**king pitcher! The guy in front of me said "This guy has a gun." I told him "Trust me....he's got his gas can with him." As soon as he loaded the bases I told everyone in our section Dunn would hit a grand slam....a minute later "BOOM!".  

7-0 Nationals. Jesus Lopez. (The scoreboard operator had 8-0 up for like 5 minutes before anyone even noticed.)

Peter is not feeling well. Peter is not accustomed to watching awful baseball like we are....either that, or  he has been over-served.  He exits to the restroom. A vendor stops by our seats with free Dove bars. I am drunk, watching my Padres get killed and eating a free Dove bar. Life is good.

Peter calls me on my cell. He's blowing chips in the President's Club shitter. I have to get a picture of that, right?

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(Yes, that is vomit on the floor in the corner.) I ask him how long he needs...he tell me 15 or 20. I go back to the game.

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I was way down on the side of the Padres bullpen to get that shot of Gwynn. Finally I saw Giles in the dugout. He looked at me...paused...then broke into a big grin. We just pointed at each other, smiling and nodding. We hadn't seen each other since the 10 year high school reunion. I give him a lot of shit Padre-wise...but Brian is my boy. I wouldn't want to date him though...especially with the way I drink. 

Peter calls. He's done. I go up to find him.

 

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He's not here...anymore.

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Passed out in the President's Club Members Locker Room. Nice!

We head out of the Park to get to the Metro.

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That's where the magic happens!

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After getting off the Metro we figured it would be smart NOT to drive the rest of the way home so we grabbed a cab. I rode in the front specifically to get this picture. Peter's shirt is SOAKED from splashing cold water on his face to try and rally for the journey home.

I've been to tons of Padre games...but this one is Top 3 without a doubt. Great, great time. I spotted lots of Padre fans and talked with them...one woman's son is a chef at Petco Park. Pretty cool. They all loved my retired numbers t-shirt. The Nationals fans we hung out with at the bar were all really nice folks. They're a lot like us - they know they suck but they love their team and they love baseball.

This FanPost was written by a member of the Gaslamp Ball community and does not necessarily reflect the views of the Gaslamp Ball managers or SB Nation.

11 recs  |  Comment 36 comments

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Great Post!

Now I get to pass my nickname “chunks” on to Peter.

"Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted."

Groucho Marx

by planetjeffy on Jul 26, 2009 8:44 PM PDT reply actions   0 recs

I was just thinking

that looks like a Country Gentlemen.

by jbox on Jul 26, 2009 9:05 PM PDT reply actions   0 recs

I thought a Country Gentlemen was something else entirely

Isn't it enough to know that I ruined a pony making a gift for you? ◔ヮ◔
Uncommon Sportsman :: Absurdity in play

by Axion on Jul 26, 2009 9:43 PM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

Two fingers and one

Oh, never mind…

www.FriarsOnCardboard.blogspot.com
"jbox does not drink coffee, as it makes him clean house big time." ~Kev

by TheThirdGonzalez on Jul 26, 2009 11:10 PM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

I like how

TWO photos of bathroom stall vomit are required to make your point.

Was there a peddler inside of Ben’s still selling Obama t-shirts, like the one with the iconic Muhammad Ali over Sonny Liston picture, with Obama’s face superimposed on Ali?

No wonder nobody likes you, Tuttle... everything's a (Pujols) damn debate.

by royhobbs on Jul 26, 2009 9:50 PM PDT reply actions   0 recs

THE BEST GASLAMP BALL STORY OF ALL TIME.

www.FriarsOnCardboard.blogspot.com
"jbox does not drink coffee, as it makes him clean house big time." ~Kev

by TheThirdGonzalez on Jul 26, 2009 11:08 PM PDT reply actions   1 recs

Congratulations, CAPS LOCK

You’ve found a reason to exist. Rec’d.

Any future GLB stories that don’t have pictures of vomit on a visiting team stadium’s President’s Club bathroom floor should not be allowed on the front page.

"I did not invent the wheel, I was the crooked spoke adjacent." - Aesop Rock

by John Gennaro on Jul 28, 2009 7:00 AM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

This would've been so much better than staying home to help my wife recuperate from surgery

WAY better. Dammit.

And I’m pretty sure ‘Tec mentioned one time that he didn’t mind getting f**cked by his GPS. Pretty sure.

Drama is an a-hole.

by Winfield's Ghost on Jul 27, 2009 7:14 AM PDT reply actions   1 recs

Journalistic excellence dude!

Celebrities, vomit and baseball in the nation’s capital. Made for a great Monday morning read.

"Get on board early," Black said, alluding to, what he feels, is a crop of up-and-coming players.

"I would tell those fans that we're going to play good baseball. We're going to play hard. We're going to have exciting young players..." -Bud Black

by The Kipper on Jul 27, 2009 10:08 AM PDT reply actions   0 recs

Mine was completely f_____g legit.

I’d rather move out of this sh!thole and be able to pay a deposit and first and last month’s rent on a decent place not populated by retardedly drunken scumbag wh0res than go sit in the rain for hours. Sorry I’m f_____g poor, ’tec.

www.FriarsOnCardboard.blogspot.com
"jbox does not drink coffee, as it makes him clean house big time." ~Kev

by TheThirdGonzalez on Jul 27, 2009 4:14 PM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

Already went there in 2008

Don’t forget to go to Primanti Bros and clog your arteries. I loved that city and ballpark. Way better on both fronts than any other Midwest city and ballpark.

Memo to baseball managers: You manufacture runs by NOT making outs, not by making them on purpose.

by Wonko on Jul 27, 2009 10:53 AM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

I agree on all fronts.

P’ Bros, PNC Park and the city as a whole all kick ass (except for their stupid effing football team that I hate even more than myself). I once went their for a game that got rained out and was grateful for the excuse to finally peruse the Andy Warhol museum.

www.FriarsOnCardboard.blogspot.com
"jbox does not drink coffee, as it makes him clean house big time." ~Kev

by TheThirdGonzalez on Jul 28, 2009 1:31 AM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

Their?!?

If I weren’t an idiot, I would have typed “there”.

www.FriarsOnCardboard.blogspot.com
"jbox does not drink coffee, as it makes him clean house big time." ~Kev

by TheThirdGonzalez on Jul 28, 2009 1:19 PM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

It's hard enough

To figure out in English when to use their, they’re and there as you are learning it. But then getting your mutha effing fingers to type it right every time is freaking impossible.

Memo to baseball managers: You manufacture runs by NOT making outs, not by making them on purpose.

by Wonko on Jul 28, 2009 2:19 PM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

tl;dr

thats a nice hat though

"You ask who Jayson Werth is? Well, bud, I have an answer: He’s a World Series champion and member of Brian Hickey’s fantasy-baseball team." -Hickey

by CurbEnthusiasm on Jul 27, 2009 10:36 AM PDT reply actions   0 recs

Love it!!!

Best. Post. EVAR!

by sqrunt on Jul 27, 2009 10:45 AM PDT reply actions   0 recs

David Gregory

American University alum!

DODGERS, RED SOX, YANKEES, BRONCOS, PATRIOTS and RAIDERS all suck. Especially the Dodgers.

by LJbumfool on Jul 27, 2009 3:54 PM PDT reply actions   0 recs

Just had another look at your post

80-90 year old buildings… wow… Living on the west coast most of my life, I was unaware that the buildings back east were soooooooooo…oooooooo….oooooo old.

"Get on board early," Black said, alluding to, what he feels, is a crop of up-and-coming players.

"I would tell those fans that we're going to play good baseball. We're going to play hard. We're going to have exciting young players..." -Bud Black

by The Kipper on Jul 27, 2009 3:55 PM PDT reply actions   0 recs

Great

What an epic adventure.

by soulSD on Jul 27, 2009 4:38 PM PDT reply actions   0 recs

Crazy!

Now I’m interested in the other two games that made your top three!

http://avengingjackmurphy.blogspot.com/

I don't agree with a word you're saying but I'll defend to the death your right to say it" ~Patrick Henry

"Shut the fuck up Donnie, you're out of your element!" ~Walter Sobchak from The Big Lebowski

by AIChief on Jul 28, 2009 12:04 AM PDT reply actions   0 recs

AWESOME POST!

So awesome it has compelled me to log in to the site for the first time since early last season….(that 80 bucks for mlb.tv was REALLY worth it. sheesh.)

Loved the story and my dad would love that you know Major Garret….you had some SWEET access there…that presidents club is set up really nice.

My GPS f*cked me over when I was in FL a few weeks ago looking at grad schools. I punched in FSU, and while it took my straight to campus it said I had “reached my destination” at a dead end in the middle of campus…no where near the welcome center. I feel your pain.

Anyway, I’ll try to hang around for the rest of this red series because I can actually watch the Pads on TV or when they play the Braves.

Padres Baseball. Feel the Frustration!

by offspeedkills on Jul 28, 2009 12:27 AM PDT reply actions   0 recs

Oh man

I’m convinced this season that the Padres were just out to screw me. First week of the season, MLB Extra Innings is free. Although the games are starting 10pm EST and ending at 1am, the team is so exciting that I’m watching every one. Screw the time, this team is awesome! So I order the Extra Innings package for the entire season. I don’t think I’ve watched a Padres game in 3 weeks. I haven’t watched one to the end in 2 months probably. Way to screw me over guys.

"I did not invent the wheel, I was the crooked spoke adjacent." - Aesop Rock

by John Gennaro on Jul 28, 2009 7:04 AM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

President’s Club Doorman: “These are really expensive tickets. I would be taking a BIG risk.”

Peter: “No risk…we’ll be cool.”

Drama is an a-hole.

by Dalton on Jul 28, 2009 1:04 PM PDT reply actions   0 recs

"We'll be cool"

Hate to see them when they aren’t being cool.

by jbox on Jul 28, 2009 1:23 PM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

Being cool is defined by

showing discretion as to where you vomit.

www.FriarsOnCardboard.blogspot.com
"jbox does not drink coffee, as it makes him clean house big time." ~Kev

by TheThirdGonzalez on Jul 28, 2009 1:31 PM PDT up reply actions   1 recs

Richard Simmons here

"Get on board early," Black said, alluding to, what he feels, is a crop of up-and-coming players.

"I would tell those fans that we're going to play good baseball. We're going to play hard. We're going to have exciting young players..." -Bud Black

by The Kipper on Jul 28, 2009 4:51 PM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

Peter

looks like Peter from Family Guy, no?

"Get on board early," Black said, alluding to, what he feels, is a crop of up-and-coming players.

"I would tell those fans that we're going to play good baseball. We're going to play hard. We're going to have exciting young players..." -Bud Black

by The Kipper on Jul 28, 2009 3:04 PM PDT reply actions   0 recs

David Gregory

is a tall drink of water.

by jbox on Jul 28, 2009 3:45 PM PDT reply actions   0 recs

also looks like he's sporting the Natinals jersey.

Isn't it enough to know that I ruined a pony making a gift for you? ◔ヮ◔
Uncommon Sportsman :: Absurdity in play

by Axion on Jul 28, 2009 4:04 PM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

Late to the game

Not reading as much since my move, but GREAT post Drama!!

"Wow. Sounds like someone didn’t get excepted.." - our beloved Tec

"you must know much more about baseball and the Padres than most people on this blog"

by jpleeg2 on Jul 28, 2009 5:01 PM PDT reply actions   0 recs

Epic post

"I bleed powder blue." - Antonio Gates

by matthewverygood on Aug 1, 2009 6:37 PM PDT reply actions   0 recs

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