I have stolen several enjoyable clips from this article

Why is Everth Cabrera on the team? ...

Bench coach Ted Simmons held up his hand when asked about Cabrera's athleticism. Said Simmons: "Look at my fingers. Now pick out the thumb. Some things are that easy to spot."

There ya go, Cabrera is to the Padres what a Thumb is to your hand. Now it all makes sense.

Irked by Estes' preview, Young asked a reporter: “Why are you quoting a Triple-A pitcher?”

Speaking of, why the hell isn't Estes here?  Hell, he could be a starter here instead of re-inventing himself as a lefty specialist

Bell, once again, was liable to say or do something colorful. Thursday, for example, he walked around the Padres complex with a rat on his shoulder. “This is Daisy,” he said. “I bought her at a pet store.” Why? “Rats are the only varmint that will not bite you,” Bell said.

I can't resist quoting someone who says 'varmint'

As the team gathered on the field Wednesday, Padres prankster Brian Giles drove a blue bus across the field and pulled up to the players. Several teammates got on board and Giles whisked them across the outfield while babbling into a loudspeaker.

Hoffman took aim, then whacked a fungo shot some 220 feet, the ball descending perfectly and bonking the bus.

Hoffy sticking it to Giles, that might happen later this year too when we face the Brewers, but actually, it's more likely to be the other way around.

Gentleballers, we are ready for 2009!

Aside, when do we start the beard growning?