101 Things Every Padres Fan Should Do Before They Die
by Dex on Feb 20, 2009 8:34 AM PST
Email
Print
- Attend a game at Petco Park
- Attend a Padres game at a stadium besides Petco Park
- Catch a foul ball
- Catch a home run ball
- Watch a game from a reserved seat at the Western Metal Supply
- Watch a seat from the Toyota Terrace
- Shout down from the Toyota Terrace at people in the seats below you, bragging about how great the food is
- Get a Padres player to autograph some piece of memorabilia
- Make a crazy face at Dennis Morgigno
- Visit the Baseball Hall of Fame to see immortalized versions of Tony Gwynn and Dave Winfield
- Secretly write the words "Steroid Era" underneath Tony Gwynn's plaque
- Throw a peanut at a Dodger Fan
- Start a Padres blog
- Collect every single Tony Gwynn baseball card ever printed
- Wear a Gaslamp Ball t-shirt to a game and then nod knowingly when you see other fans wearing their Gaslamp Ball t-shirts
- Write a FanPost on Gaslamp Ball that gets front paged
- Make a rubbing of a personalized brick at the brick promenade or the Tony Gwynn statue
- Make a rubbing of the entire Tony Gwynn statue
- Slide an ATM card through one of the now defunct Compadres Club machines while shouting angrily, "ALL I WANT IS SOME FAST CASH!!!"
- When somebody tries to interrupt you while you're standing at the Compadres Club machine, shout, "WAIT YOUR TURN, DODGER FAN"
- Eat one of every item from Randy Jones BBQ in one sitting
- Go number two in a Petco Park bathroom
- Read both volumes of the Fireside Book of Baseball beside an actual fire.
- Read the entire Bill James Historical Baseball Abstract beside an actual abstract painting
- Read Bang the Drum Slowly while banging a drum slowly
- Read Juiced while drinking juice
- Stand in front of Sandy Alderson's house naked while making rude gestures with a copy of Moneyball, shouting "THIS IS WHAT I THINK ABOUT ON BASE PERCENTAGE!!!"
- Do steroids with Wally Joyner
- Attend a church service with Adrian Gonzalez
- Go fishing with Jake Peavy
- Accidentally get a butt full of buckshot from Ryan Klesko's shotgun while hunting deer
- Hit on a female Pad Squadder using the line, "You're the one that won Miss California, right?"
- Hit on a male Pad Squadder using the line, "You mean you're not a player? Oh I get it. You're a player"
- Send handwritten letters to Emmanuel Lewis in red ink with Ryan Klesko's forged signature in an attempt to weird out the friendship
- Become Facebook friends with Omar Vizquel
- Build a working Khalil Greene robot
- Buy a used cup from the Padres Garage Sale and wear it without washing it
- Forgive Steve Garvey for walking out on your mom and leaving you to fend for yourself without a father figure
- Try to get discount fumigation service by calling Corky's Pet Control and pretending you're Akinori Otsuka
- Get into a fight with Matt Bush
- Climb Chris Young like a tree and swing from his ears
- Try to score weed off of a member of the grounds crew using the line, "I heard you majored in grass in college. That sounds like you smoke the marijuana."
- Write your name in the snow during Padres Snow Day
- Bury yourself in the sand at the Petco Beach and see if you can go undiscovered after the game is done and everyone has left the park
- Haggle for a better price on faux vintage Padres gear at the Padres store in Petco Park by saying, "Look how trashed it is. It looks like somebody's already washed it a bunch of times."
- High five Bob Scanlan and as he past you feeling appreciated, slap his butt, bite your bottom lip, grunt sexually and say "There's my girl"
- Give John Weisbarth a hug, but when he relaxes his grip to disengage the hug, tighten your grip and stay in the hug for another seven seconds
- Buy the most expensive beer you can find in the park and then feel a little dumb for wasting your money while ruining your liver
- Talk a staff member into trading/giving/selling you a Major League Memory Maker pin for your pin collection
- Heckle a member of the opposing team by rhyming their names with different euphemisms for feces, penises and vaginas
- Buy a house once owned by Randy Wolf
- Buy a tanning bed once owned by Brian Giles
- Interview Paul DePodesta and convince him to buy you a fish taco
- Talk to Kevin Towers, mention guys wanting to pull the fences in and count the number of times he uses the F-word
- Wait for a pitcher to throw a fastball that gets clocked at faster than 93 mph, then turn in your seat to the people behind you and shake your hand as if you touched something hot while saying, "yowza!"
- Write a ridiculously long list about the Padres and look at it wondering how your sense of humor could be so amazingly inconsistent
- Take the labels off of a bunch of tic tac containers and walk around Spring Training yelling, "Not steroids! I don't got steroids here! Not steroids! Do not put these in your butt!"
- Convince readers of your blog to fill in the last 40 or so things in the comments because you got so so seeeeeeeeepy.
75 comments
|
9 recs |
Do you like this story?
Comments
59. Go watch Tony Gwynn manage a game at Tony Gwynn Stadium.
Brady Hoke, Al Borges, and Rocky Long. Aztec football is back!
by Sam (sdsuaztec4) on Feb 20, 2009 8:55 AM PST reply actions
60. Attend a Gay Pride Parade with Kouz Phil.
by 'Eaters on Feb 20, 2009 9:26 AM PST reply actions 2 recs
64. Give up a homerun to Barry Bonds
Isn't it enough to know that I ruined a pony making a gift for you? ◔ヮ◔
Uncommon Sportsman :: Absurdity in play
64. Make a rubbing of Bud Black standing stoically in the dugout while his pitcher flounders.
"2009 Padres.....Yeah, we're still here.
66. Attend a game a Petco Park on a train that has left the station
Isn't it enough to know that I ruined a pony making a gift for you? ◔ヮ◔
Uncommon Sportsman :: Absurdity in play
Here's what I can check off so far
1,2,3,6,7,8,12,16,22,46,48,50,55,56
19 – I go up to them just so someone will come over and tell me they don’t work anymore.
46 – Don’t pretend you don’t remember, Scan.
Isn't it enough to know that I ruined a pony making a gift for you? ◔ヮ◔
Uncommon Sportsman :: Absurdity in play
67. Get drunk at Ken Caminiti's grave
Isn't it enough to know that I ruined a pony making a gift for you? ◔ヮ◔
Uncommon Sportsman :: Absurdity in play
by Axion on Feb 20, 2009 10:19 AM PST reply actions 1 recs
I'm going to Houston this season
I should totally do that.
Isn't it enough to know that I ruined a pony making a gift for you? ◔ヮ◔
Uncommon Sportsman :: Absurdity in play
68. Go on a fun Padres road trip, lose all the pictures you took and never speak of it again
Isn't it enough to know that I ruined a pony making a gift for you? ◔ヮ◔
Uncommon Sportsman :: Absurdity in play
by Axion on Feb 20, 2009 10:24 AM PST reply actions 6 recs
69. See Hiram Bocachica play in person.
Hmm...a financial panther?
by friarinchicago on Feb 20, 2009 10:38 AM PST reply actions
70. Watch a playoff game started by Pedro Astacio.
Hmm...a financial panther?
by friarinchicago on Feb 20, 2009 10:38 AM PST reply actions
71. Visit WG managing at Whataburger.
Hmm...a financial panther?
by friarinchicago on Feb 20, 2009 10:39 AM PST reply actions 5 recs
What the....
I think I may have missed a few things during my hiatus…
by Winfield's Ghost on Feb 20, 2009 3:11 PM PST up reply actions
I think it came from an OGT last season...
I said something about Harry looking like he was trying to mentally manage a Whataburger in the dugout, to which Drama says something along the lines of "or in the case of WG, literally managing one. I just thought it was kinda witty, albeit not a truism.
Hmm...a financial panther?
by friarinchicago on Feb 20, 2009 3:38 PM PST up reply actions
72. Drive to Yuma for Spring Training and ask locals why theres not so many other Padres fans here this year.
Hmm...a financial panther?
by friarinchicago on Feb 20, 2009 10:41 AM PST reply actions
73*
Brady Hoke, Al Borges, and Rocky Long. Aztec football is back!
by Sam (sdsuaztec4) on Feb 20, 2009 10:41 AM PST up reply actions
74. Get arrested for double parking your truck at a Mobile airport.
Hmm...a financial panther?
by friarinchicago on Feb 20, 2009 10:43 AM PST reply actions
Tear your ACL being restrained by Harry.
Hmm...a financial panther?
by friarinchicago on Feb 20, 2009 10:44 AM PST reply actions
76
convince yourself that cliff lee has 30 dingers left in him
I am starting the coalition to BRING BACK IKE.
77
Try to remove the #6 from above the scoreboard
by matthewverygood on Feb 20, 2009 11:18 AM PST reply actions 6 recs
78 & 79
- = Ask former Padre Terrence Long how it feels to be on a team that wins 20 games in a row (2002 A’s) and loses 19 games in a row (2005 Royals).
- = Play guitar with Flannery at Ocean Beach at sunset.
80
See if you can find the Padres guys in that Bank of America commercial with the Friars outfits at a Padres game.
81
get wasted and throw the mannekin of Barry Bonds that was in Lefty O’Douls in SF into the Bay.
Chicks Dig the Bullpen.
83
Get a group of your gfs together, “capture” a player, and make him buy you all drinks all night long.
Chicks Dig the Bullpen.
by eastbaysd on Feb 20, 2009 11:44 AM PST reply actions 2 recs
84
Get peed on in the showers by Greg Maddux.
"We're not going to be as bad as you think."
by Drama on Feb 20, 2009 11:50 AM PST reply actions 7 recs
85
Invite Jonny Dub to a mythical tailgate.
"We're not going to be as bad as you think."
by Drama on Feb 20, 2009 11:57 AM PST reply actions 6 recs
86
Be envious of Bob “The ScanMan” Scanlan’s amazing hair!
by SDPads_1 on Feb 20, 2009 12:03 PM PST reply actions 5 recs
87. Beat El Cajon Ford
Isn't it enough to know that I ruined a pony making a gift for you? ◔ヮ◔
Uncommon Sportsman :: Absurdity in play
by Axion on Feb 20, 2009 12:14 PM PST reply actions 9 recs
88
Score a free bottle of water from PSA to wash down your Jalapeno Handshake at Petco.
"We're not going to be as bad as you think."
by Drama on Feb 20, 2009 12:19 PM PST reply actions 1 recs
89
Attend a GLB meetup without any pants on
by The Kipper on Feb 20, 2009 12:24 PM PST reply actions 1 recs
91
Experience it.
Brady Hoke, Al Borges, and Rocky Long. Aztec football is back!
by Sam (sdsuaztec4) on Feb 20, 2009 12:32 PM PST reply actions 5 recs
92. Make out with Clay Hensley.
Hmm...a financial panther?
by friarinchicago on Feb 20, 2009 12:56 PM PST reply actions 1 recs
93. Contend that Eric Show was completely flawless in every aspect of life.
Hmm...a financial panther?
94. Tell the Ozark's finest to get back in their El Caminos and go home.
Hmm...a financial panther?
by friarinchicago on Feb 20, 2009 1:01 PM PST reply actions 2 recs
96. Persuade Mudcat Grant to start an SB profile and pay compliments to your blog.
Hmm...a financial panther?
by friarinchicago on Feb 20, 2009 1:04 PM PST reply actions 2 recs
97. Superlatively overuse "TWSS" on GLB.
Hmm...a financial panther?
by friarinchicago on Feb 20, 2009 1:06 PM PST reply actions 5 recs
98.
Be fired as hitting coach.
"We're not going to be as bad as you think."
by Drama on Feb 20, 2009 1:11 PM PST reply actions 8 recs
99.
Get really quiet immediately after the “Noise-o-meter” almost breaks from being too loud
DODGERS, RED SOX, YANKEES, BRONCOS, PATRIOTS and RAIDERS all suck. Especially the Dodgers.
by LJbumfool on Feb 20, 2009 2:13 PM PST reply actions
100.
Find the PETA brick in the promenade
DODGERS, RED SOX, YANKEES, BRONCOS, PATRIOTS and RAIDERS all suck. Especially the Dodgers.
by LJbumfool on Feb 20, 2009 2:14 PM PST reply actions 1 recs
Nice one!
Welcome aboard.
www.FriarsOnCardboard.blogspot.com
"jbox does not drink coffee, as it makes him clean house big time." ~Kev
by TheThirdGonzalez on Feb 20, 2009 3:57 PM PST up reply actions
damn
Matto just reminded me…
101a. Grow a beard in May
Isn't it enough to know that I ruined a pony making a gift for you? ◔ヮ◔
Uncommon Sportsman :: Absurdity in play
102:
Beat the crap out of a Dodger-lover after he says something about your ‘Madres’ hat and then rip the bill off of his LA hat while you still have one foot on his throat.
www.FriarsOnCardboard.blogspot.com
"jbox does not drink coffee, as it makes him clean house big time." ~Kev
by TheThirdGonzalez on Feb 20, 2009 4:01 PM PST reply actions 5 recs
103.1:
Try to talk Demoira into FedEx-ing you painkillers after she sprains her ankle in a high-heel mishap.
www.FriarsOnCardboard.blogspot.com
"jbox does not drink coffee, as it makes him clean house big time." ~Kev
by TheThirdGonzalez on Feb 20, 2009 4:05 PM PST up reply actions 1 recs
go to a home game against the braves...
and every time the pads score, look a braves fan straight in the eyes and turn the tomahawk motion into a two-dick, two hand, mouth-hug tomahawk motion……while chanting the brave’s chant.
I'm not getting the description
Youtube it, with props.
Isn't it enough to know that I ruined a pony making a gift for you? ◔ヮ◔
Uncommon Sportsman :: Absurdity in play
by Axion on Feb 20, 2009 5:32 PM PST up reply actions 4 recs
105
cry at your shrine to uncle milty…
sniffle
"I suggest more bike" ~KSK
www.wellbelowthemendozaline.blogspot.com
www.drinkerswithawritingproblem.blogspot.com
You miss that guy as much as I miss Callix Crabbe.
www.FriarsOnCardboard.blogspot.com
"jbox does not drink coffee, as it makes him clean house big time." ~Kev
by TheThirdGonzalez on Feb 20, 2009 8:31 PM PST up reply actions
what the hell happened to him?
I am starting the coalition to BRING BACK IKE.
Am I late?
106 Whilst partaking in action number 15, wish you had a dime for every idiot/padre fan/park employee that stops you and asks you what the numbers mean.
Then it should've been indented beneath her comment
Please use the reply function correctly.
by Winfield's Ghost on Feb 22, 2009 5:37 AM PST up reply actions 6 recs
Close second
Lottery numbers
Isn't it enough to know that I ruined a pony making a gift for you? ◔ヮ◔
Uncommon Sportsman :: Absurdity in play
Comments For This Post Are Closed
Secondary Sidebar
User Tools
FanPosts
Community blog posts and discussion.
Recent FanPosts
In Association With
Big League Stew - MLB - Yahoo! Sports
- Weatherman Derek Holland does Dallas TV
- Ask Alex: Will Julio Teheran or Matt Moore win rookie of the year?
- Ku Klux Klan, umpires and bowling: Why the minor leagues tossed out Jim Evans academy
- The Cardinals Hall of Fame can now be found at Bill Clinton’s library in Arkansas (Huh?)
- Will Bryce Harper start the season with the Nationals?
Certain photos copyright © 2012 by Associated Press or Getty Images. Any commercial use or distribution without the express written consent of Associated Press and Getty Images is strictly prohibited.
