It’s like when your girlfriend breaks up with you, but says “there’s nobody else….really. It’s just time.” When ACTUALLY she’s been “kinda sorta” seeing some guy named Jason at work for the past two months, and she is going through all these pains in front of you and your friends to make it look like nothing’s been going on, and that they didn’t start seeing each other until two months after she moved out. Only you, like Kevin Towers, know the REAL story, because she left her email password saved on your Firefox browser, so you know the whole evil awful details. You sit in your bedroom for days on end with the shades drawn, chain smoking and crying and reading each and every disgusting word they’ve written to each other right under your nose, cursing that BITCH Jeff Moorad and his new little SLUT Jed Hoyer.

It’s the same old story.