Event Horizon: Evil Rival Mariners wave white flag on 2009, too

by Axion on Sep 5, 2008 3:17 PM PDT Comment 2 comments

You have really got to give it to these Mariners. The Seattle Times reports that the Mariners are 'unlikely' to sign free agents for next season and are going to develop from within. The commitment to achieving levels of suck where matter exceeds the speed of light through the entirety of next season is one of great magnitude. Clearly we have underestimated this nefarious foe, our most hated rival.

Already saddled with expensive contracts owed Carlos Silva and Kenji Johjima, the Mariners will almost certainly pass on big-ticket free agents

This sends a signal to potentional general managers that, "Hey, we're not giving you anything to work with. You know what, bring your own work gloves and back brace, we're not paying for those either."

Armstrong said Thursday that the team's major goal is to rebuild through "a comprehensive plan" and that any general-manager candidate will have to present one to him in applying for the job.

So they're going to look to develop from within and try to be the new Rays. Does that mean conceding next year, and possibly for the next decade? I say yes, but Chuck Armstrong says he's on mushrooms.

"I'm not ready to concede anything," he said of next year's chances for contention. "But my main thing is, we're not going to put all of our chips on 'Red 79.' We're not going to put all our chips on 2009, because we put all of our chips on 2008 and it didn't work out."

Apparently there is a hobo infestation near the Seattle Mariners offices, because a transient camp with a population in the low twenties has got to a) be a health hazard, b) be a safety hazard, c) smell really bad.

Armstrong says his GM candidates list is "in the low 20s" now and will be pared to between 10 and 15 by season's end. He hopes to have two rounds of interviews and pick a GM by late October.

So Padres, there you have it. For this year at least, while we still have the chance, you gotta really put the lead in, put in all the stops. The Earth's core is the limit. Sink, dive, plummet, because next year, I don't think you will have what it takes to be the Best Worst Team in All the Land.

This FanPost was written by a member of the Gaslamp Ball community and does not necessarily reflect the views of the Gaslamp Ball managers or SB Nation.

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Hobo infestation

I knew it.

by jbox on Sep 5, 2008 9:58 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs

Co-miserating

Living in the PNW means that I know a lot of Mariner’s fans.
Though I still consider them to be my worst enemy, a sense of hopelessness has set in. When we talk baseball now, there is a mutual feeling of empathy and someone usually changes the subject quickly….

Kipper – " I saw Beltre hit for the cycle the other day."

Mariner fan – "Yep, he did…Hey, did I tell you that my cousin’s fiancee’s nephew’s best friend’s brother got a job a s a ball boy with the Seahawks?

Kipper – “Cool. Me and some of the fellas are going to get together on Saturday to watch some tennis and knock back a few cold ones. Cruise over if you want…”

Mariner fan – “Yeah, I’ll be there.”

"...do hereby declare that I am not a member of the Human race (not an earthling) and in fact am an alien from another planet other than earth. I hope that this will prove to the person that is putting electric shocks to my head that I am an alien. I am declaring this so that I am not in any violation of any world or international laws of the earth as I am showing by this admission that I am in fact an alien."

by The Kipper on Sep 6, 2008 8:56 AM PDT reply actions 0 recs