Wiggins can't believe it. Maddux can't win again? Khalil finally gets a hit--a homerun at that--and the Padres still lose. Why are these guys the freaking Keystone Cops of Major League Baseball? How about we make the Padres a minor league team and give one of the farm teams a chance at the majors. It couldn't hurt.

Wiggins was so upset about the Padres that he went to get a carne asada quesedilla last night at about 2:00 AM. When Wiggins is upset, he eats. Lately Wiggins has been doing a lot of eating. STUPID PADRES;

Anyway, Wiggins hit up his favorite 24-hour taco shop and put in his order. While he was in there, he saw a really cute girl sitting and eating by herself. She was looking at Wiggins coyly, but Wiggins wasn't sure if she was flirting or not.

However, she made it clear. When Wiggins was walking away from the front counter to find a place to sit, she patted the seat next to her and smiled. Wiggins couldn't believe it. Was he going to get lucky?!

He sat down and introduced himself. "Hi, I'm Wiggins."

"I know who you are."

She did?

"You post on Gaslampball, don't you? You look just like your photo. I'm kind of a fan."

Wiggins couldn't believe it! A Padres fan! A Gaslampballer? AND CUTE!

"What name do you post under?" Wiggins asked.

"Oh... I just... lurk... and read your posts." She smiled again... AND WINKED! Wiggins was going to get some action, it seemed!

A voice boomed out. "QUESEDILLA CON CARNE ASADA." Wiggins walked up to the front counter and grabbed his order.

"Oh, do you have hot sauce?" The gent at the front counter put a squeeze bottle of hot sauce on Wiggins' tray. "Thanks."

Wiggins walked by and sat next to his new lady friend. But then it happened.

THE STUPID HOT SAUCE WAS CLOGGED. WIGGINS SQUEEZE D IT AND; IT SHOT ALL OVER HER FACE. INTO HERH EYEES. SHE SCREHSAM. WGINGGS APOLOGIZEAS BUT SHE WALKSH OUT AND SAYSL;H "FKCH YOU WGUBHSNS" AND WHSUIGGINS NO GETH SEXHS. WGHI8SSHNS HATEHSG LIFHEHS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!