FanPost

Axion Investments: Faith Market Update

Faith in Trevor Hoffman (THOFF) plunged yesterday as the HOF closer coughed up a home run to a Giant catcher with no legs. Shareholders are dumping shares as quickly as they can, but buyers are hard to come by. Those left with large investments of Faith are calling for the resignation of the chairman of the board.

As a direct result of the market shake-up, the price of Heath Bell (BELL) skyrocketed. Heath Bell maintains a 100% market share of 8th inning outs and publicly announced that after his corporation posted losses in Houston, "I'm not going to let that happen again the rest of the year. I'm sure of that." Shareholders are demanding Bell acquire a share of the 9th inning market.

Investors with a reliever-heavy portfolio may soon find relief from the thrashing with the addition of Josh Banks (JBNKS). Set to debut in the minors, Banks' IPO will come sooner rather than later if the current index of relievers continues their performance. Also rejoining the reliever index soon, Clay Hensley (CLAY) is also establishing a market presence in the minors.

*This is the part where SBNation laughed at my attempt to FanPost for the second time in a row.*

Faithful Friar investors clinging to the offense index are continuing the cat food retirement plan trend. With singles being dispensed in small doses once a day, investors remain optimistic that the next fiscal month may cure all ills.

This FanPost was written by a member of the Gaslamp Ball community and does not necessarily reflect the views of the Gaslamp Ball managers or SB Nation.

X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior users will need to choose a permanent username, along with a new password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

I already have a Vox Media account!

Verify Vox Media account

Please login to your Vox Media account. This account will be linked to your previously existing Eater account.

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior MT authors will need to choose a new username and password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join Gaslamp Ball

You must be a member of Gaslamp Ball to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Gaslamp Ball. You should read them.

Join Gaslamp Ball

You must be a member of Gaslamp Ball to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Gaslamp Ball. You should read them.

Spinner.vc97ec6e

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.

tracking_pixel_9351_tracker