FanPost

Axion Investments: Faith Market Update

Faith in Trevor Hoffman (THOFF) plunged yesterday as the HOF closer coughed up a home run to a Giant catcher with no legs. Shareholders are dumping shares as quickly as they can, but buyers are hard to come by. Those left with large investments of Faith are calling for the resignation of the chairman of the board.

As a direct result of the market shake-up, the price of Heath Bell (BELL) skyrocketed. Heath Bell maintains a 100% market share of 8th inning outs and publicly announced that after his corporation posted losses in Houston, "I'm not going to let that happen again the rest of the year. I'm sure of that." Shareholders are demanding Bell acquire a share of the 9th inning market.

Investors with a reliever-heavy portfolio may soon find relief from the thrashing with the addition of Josh Banks (JBNKS). Set to debut in the minors, Banks' IPO will come sooner rather than later if the current index of relievers continues their performance. Also rejoining the reliever index soon, Clay Hensley (CLAY) is also establishing a market presence in the minors.

*This is the part where SBNation laughed at my attempt to FanPost for the second time in a row.*

Faithful Friar investors clinging to the offense index are continuing the cat food retirement plan trend. With singles being dispensed in small doses once a day, investors remain optimistic that the next fiscal month may cure all ills.

This FanPost was written by a member of the Gaslamp Ball community and does not necessarily reflect the views of the Gaslamp Ball managers or SB Nation.

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