This is it. Senior year. Year four. Año número cuatro.
From our humble beginnings, we've arrived at this point. As fate would have it, pitchers and catchers also report today, which makes it the perfect day to welcome newer Gaslamp Ballers, say "oh, you're back?" to old Gaslamp Ballers, and to reiterate Gaslamp Ball's Mission, which many Gaslamp Ballers did not realize existed.
Our Mission is this...
Make Gaslamp Ball the online equivalent of hanging out with two hot chicks at a baseball game who actually know more about baseball than you'd expect two hot chicks to know.
JBox and I are not hot chicks.
Nevertheless, we should be treated like we're hot chicks. If you want to hang out with us, and you're a dude, you better not bore us to death with all kinds of jibber jabber about the game that would be painfully obvious to a jellyfish. At the same time, you can't ever assume that we don't know about baseball, because that would be condescending and potentially sexist. You should instead try to be funny and interesting, but realize that we will probably not find you very funny, nor very interesting, unless you maybe have some gossip that we did not notice while reading Perez Hilton, TMZ, or PinkIsTheNewBlog.
We may rudely ignore you for long periods of time.
Sometimes, we may write posts that may make you think that we're thirsty. It's at this time that you should offer to buy us a beer or a lemonade. Keep in mind that if you buy us a beer, we'll probably think you're hitting on us. If you buy us a lemonade we may think that you think that we're 11 years old.
We are neither a pair of 11 year olds, nor are we a pair of hot chicks and hitting on us will not get you anywhere.
If you are a girl, then things are a little bit different. We are not catty. If we really were hot chicks, we would be comfortable enough as hot chicks to know that other girls would not reduce the level of our hotness. We will talk to you about fashion and hair and we welcome comments like that. We can appreciate a player for his abilities and contributions both on and off the field, if you know what we mean.
When all is said and done, it may appear that we are here to entertain you. We are actually here to entertain ourselves and our hot chick friends, like Jonny Dub and Kev. As a matter of fact, you are here to entertain us, not the other way around. You are totally allowed to try to entertain us as you might see fit, or to observe us longingly from a safe distance.
Despite what we've said or might've implied, we do encourage you to participate. It's a confusing signal to be sure, but that's how it is for hot chicks in their senior year.
Welcome back! Go Padres!