Awesome Sports Clichés

by royhobbs on Oct 8, 2008 6:46 AM PDT

So in light of WG's "Let's have fun dammit" thread, I'm going to post something that has nothing to do with the Padres, but at least it covers (loosely) baseball.

This morning, I was perusing SI.com like I normally do, looking for Jon Heyman articles that I can rip to shreds, and then I saw a headline that piqued my interest:

"Cubs' Marmol suffers minor injuries in car accident"

Click.

A truck hit a car carrying Marmol, a cousin and a friend in his hometown of Bonao near 2 a.m. The All-Star right-hander had just arrived in the Caribbean nation after the Cubs were swept by the Los Angeles Dodgers in the playoffs.

I love how SI.com journalism rubs salt into the wounds by relevantly mentioning that the Cubs were freshly swept out of the playoffs. I guess it kind of is relevant because it's reason that Marmol is in the Dominican Republic, instead of Chicago, playing baseball.

And then this is my favorite part:

Marmol pitched in 82 games this season, going 2-4 with a 2.68 ERA.

Why it is necessary to bring up random individual statistics about a professional athlete is beyond me, but I do admit that I am delightfully entertained every time I see it happen.

Marmol in a car wreck? Man, that sucks, I heard he was the Cubs' interim closer when Kerry Wood was injured for the 50,000th time in his career, and made the all-star game on a completely retarded technicality of letting the fans vote!

Other prime examples:

Scott Olsen, Florida Marlins, Starting Pitcher - DUI

Had to be followed, tazed and beaten into submission, but it's clearly relevant to mention that in 2006, he went 12-10, with an earned-run average of 4.04 with 166 strikeouts.

Dontrelle Willis, Former Florida Marlins, Current Detroit Tigers, Starting Pitcher - DUI

Got trashed, and publicly urinated, but it's alright, because in 2005, he led the major leagues with 22 wins and finished second in the NL Cy Young Award balloting to Chris Carpenter.

Kenny Rogers, Former Texas Ranger, Current Detroit Tigers, Starting Pitcher - Misdemeanor Assault

Attacked a cameraman, and broke expensive equipment. But it's all right, because he's got 214 career wins, a lifetime ERA of 4.14, and 1,919 strikeouts. Clearly absolved.

Kobe Bryant - raped a girl, but he averages 30 points a game, and once scored 81 in a single game, the second-most individual point total to Wilt Chamberlain who scored 100 points a hundred years ago while allegedly sleeping with 20,000 women.

Basically, what I am looking for others to hopefully contribute are other examples of this popular cliché. Screw it, make it up if you have to. Let's have fun, dammit.

This FanPost was written by a member of the Gaslamp Ball community and does not necessarily reflect the views of the Gaslamp Ball managers or SB Nation.

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Kobe

by Drama on Oct 8, 2008 9:39 AM PDT 0 recs

Allegedly

by Drama on Oct 8, 2008 9:39 AM PDT up 0 recs

Homer: Ohhhh, The Denver Broncos.
Marge: Whats wrong with the Denver Broncos?
Homer: Marge you just don't understand football.

by Wonko on Oct 8, 2008 12:16 PM PDT up 0 recs

How 'bout

Jake at the airport?

www.PadsAndEnds.blogspot.com
"jbox does not drink coffee, as it makes him clean house big time." ~Kev

by TheThirdGonzalez on Oct 8, 2008 10:24 AM PDT 0 recs

Would have . . .

But couldn’t find the mugshot.

No wonder nobody likes you, Tuttle... everything's a (Pujols) damn debate.

by royhobbs on Oct 8, 2008 11:02 AM PDT up 0 recs

What about Ty Cobb

…isn’t he the ultimate one.

Thank goodness that's over!

by ABY on Oct 8, 2008 10:25 AM PDT 0 recs

JOHN ROCKER SHOCKER

“White male closet homosexual professional baseball player on steroids slanders everyone on the planet except for other white male professional baseball players.”

“The biggest thing I don’t like about New York are the foreigners. How the hell did they get in this country?”

“It’s the most hectic, nerve-racking city. Imagine having to take the 7 Train to the ballpark, looking like you’re riding through Beirut next to some kid with purple hair, next to some queer with AIDS…”

At his peak, the young Rocker was a nightmare for most hitters. In 1999, Rocker saved 38 games for the NL Champion Braves (one shy of the club record set by Mark Wohlers in 1996) allowing a mere 47 hits in 72 1/3 innings while fanning 104.

Tony LaRussa

His 2,297 wins over 28 seasons with the Chicago White Sox, A’s and Cardinals is third on the career list. Link

Homer: Ohhhh, The Denver Broncos.
Marge: Whats wrong with the Denver Broncos?
Homer: Marge you just don't understand football.

by Wonko on Oct 8, 2008 12:30 PM PDT 0 recs

remember

this was the spring training, right after one of his pitchers killed himself from drinking.

Way to set the example for the ol’ ballclub Tony.

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. " ~Frank Sinatra

by Sammy G on Oct 8, 2008 3:13 PM PDT up 0 recs

What really pissed me off was

this Spring Training when he was talking to the media about how they had to release
Scott Spiezio (DUI, 2-time World Champion, tied for most RBI 19 in one postseason)
to make an example. Huh?

www.PadsAndEnds.blogspot.com
"jbox does not drink coffee, as it makes him clean house big time." ~Kev

by TheThirdGonzalez on Oct 8, 2008 8:46 PM PDT up 0 recs

In Tony's case

It was sorta a little hypocrisy, but then the Braves picked him up to a minor league deal, where he promptly was caught with another DUI in AAA-Richmond, and booted off the squad. It’s not like he wasn’t given second or third chances.

No wonder nobody likes you, Tuttle... everything's a (Pujols) damn debate.

by royhobbs on Oct 9, 2008 5:37 AM PDT up 0 recs

tony lover

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. " ~Frank Sinatra

by Sammy G on Oct 9, 2008 9:37 AM PDT up 0 recs

Rae Carruth - murder

“We have images of Rae Carruth now, and none revolves around what he did on a football field (which for the record is not much – 62 receptions for 804 yards and four touchdowns in 22 NFL games.)”

USA Today

by 'Eaters on Oct 8, 2008 1:47 PM PDT 0 recs

That can't...

REALLY be his real head, can it? He looks like an SNL conehead…

No wonder nobody likes you, Tuttle... everything's a (Pujols) damn debate.

by royhobbs on Oct 8, 2008 1:55 PM PDT up 0 recs

I was thinking

he looked like a Wayans brother.

www.PadsAndEnds.blogspot.com
"jbox does not drink coffee, as it makes him clean house big time." ~Kev

by TheThirdGonzalez on Oct 8, 2008 8:47 PM PDT up 0 recs

Maybe a little obvious, but...

He may have lost his trophies, his reputation and, finally, his freedom, but the sporting achievements of "the Juice", the man who played in six Pro Bowls and was named player of the year in 1972, 1973 and 1975 as a member of the Buffalo Bills, remain enshrined in the NFL’s Pro Football Hall of Fame, alongside those of the other gridiron greats. "OJ may be best remembered," says his tribute in the Hall of Fame, "for his sensational 1973 season when he became the first back in history to rush for over 2,000 yards".