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How to flirt with a Ball Girl in 4 easy steps

Step One:  Approach Ball Girl and initiate conversation. Pray that she has low standards.  Then quickly approach her from behind while she's working so that she can't be rude to you or run away. It is integral to get down to her level before you get down.  Spread feet in wide stance to get maximum balance.  Bend over and lean on the wall to show how comfortable you are. Relax and smile. Use your body language to give signals that you are the fun person that you are, and to show that you're comfortable and confident. There's nothing to be nervous about. Raise rump high into the air like a baboon. Say something clever and non-threatening like "You must really like to touch balls!" Then let out a huge belly laugh, this will set her at ease.

Step Two: Prepare to fight off your buddy who is trying to c*ck block you. When she stands take an open stance so you can fight off other interested males while still giving her the appropriate attention.  Once the males know that they cannot sneak up on you they'll likely surrender the prey. Never take your eyes off of her, staring is an important part in the mating ritual.

Step Three:  Use body language to hint at your romantic intentions. Once all competitors have been scared off, step directly in front of her line of sight and flex your pectoral muscles.  Alternate between left and right if possible.  Sway hips forward and backward ever so slowly. Make sure that the fly on your pleated slacks is open to give her a peek of your goods.

Step Four:  Close the deal. Ask her if she'd like to sit on a comfortable padded wall.  When she has exposed her back to you she has submitted to your advances. You may now put your arm around her or feel her up.

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Agreed
Though any line about balls makes me laugh like a sixth grader...

Two yrs ago, my buddy and I were in Scottsdale and we had the first tee time of the day at Grayhawk one morning.  Kid greets us at the first tee, gives us the regular rundown about pin position, local rules, etc., then says: "And, gentlemen, we did spray the greens this morning, so please make sure not to touch your balls and then lick your fingers."  My buddy looks at him and says "Dude, I NEVER touch my balls and then lick my fingers."  Kid turned a shade of red I'd never seen before and we didn't stop laughing until we made the turn.

by Winfield's Ghost on Jan 3, 2008 2:20 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

You must really like to touch balls
thats a good line.  what about "Hey want dont you come over here and take out my penis and then put your mouth on my penis and then drink my ejaculate?"

by gofriarsgo on Jan 4, 2008 1:54 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Is that Rick Sutcliffe?
He doesn't have a drink in his hand so I can't be 100% sure.

If it is...I'm guessing his opening line was: "George Clooney! You been reading about all that? You been seeing that?"

by Drama on Jan 3, 2008 1:55 PM PST reply actions   0 recs

"You're still here?
The Dodgers want you to catch balls for them..."

by TheThirdGonzalez on Jan 3, 2008 2:18 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Convo:
Sut: "Come on, baby. Go out with me."

Ballgirl: "I wouldn't want you to have to take time out of your busy schedule."

Sut: "It's...it's not that busy, man. It's not that busy."

by Drama on Jan 3, 2008 2:27 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

jbox, you have outdone yourself....
(or you have too much time on your hands) I can't stop laughing! :)

by TyBo on Jan 3, 2008 9:03 PM PST reply actions   0 recs

Very funny
The wide stance part killed me too.

by thenerdhater on Jan 4, 2008 7:24 AM PST reply actions   0 recs

My favorite thing
The black bar over his crotch in the second photo. Now I know why I never was able to successfully hit on a ball girl. I never exposed my penis to her in Step 2.

by Dex on Jan 4, 2008 11:30 AM PST reply actions   0 recs

Or...
Is the black bar hiding a massive erection a la Ron Burgundy?

by Dex on Jan 4, 2008 11:31 AM PST up reply actions   0 recs

fuggin slud
i love how that ball girl so desperately craves that guy's hard boner.  i mean, we can all relate to that, can't we?

by gofriarsgo on Jan 4, 2008 2:03 PM PST reply actions   0 recs

Yes
Yes, we can.

WHAAAAAAAAAT!?

by Dex on Jan 4, 2008 2:06 PM PST up reply actions   0 recs

Too Smooooove
You might want to add the caveat to attempt this at the risk of having a restraining order issued.
Matt Holliday never touched the plate and Tim McClelland knows it.

by sqrunt on Jan 9, 2008 12:19 PM PST reply actions   0 recs

5 bucks says...
That plumpish man stole the Boner pump that Ben Stiller had in Dodgeball.
Mark Prior is: Nessie, Bigfoot, Sasquatch, a Yeti, a Unicorn and a Chupacabra that lives in Atlantis. He is the biggest Urban Legend on Earth.

by offspeedkills on Jan 11, 2008 10:46 PM PST reply actions   0 recs

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