Open Thread, 9/26: An open letter to a Padres player

Dear Padres Player,

The time is now. It's now time to sack up. You had other opportunities to sack up, but you decided to wet yourself. Sure there were flashes of potential sacking up, but for the most part, it was a lot of wetting yourself. Sometimes, you even lost your bowel control before you could make it to the stall, and those were the times when we were sad for you.

Well, now you've done it. You've gone through all the clean undies. You've ruined pair after pair of boxer shorts and tighty whities. There's nothing left without noticable stains.

You're going commando now and there's not a Mervyn's for miles.

If you decide to crap yourself from here on out, you're ruining actual clothes. Chances are, people will see it down the side of your leg and won't you be embarrassed then.

So, please, Padres Player... For the love of dignity and basic human decency... Regain control of your intestinal functions. Beat the Giants.

Best,
Gaslamp Ball

SB Nation Featured Video
X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join Gaslamp Ball

You must be a member of Gaslamp Ball to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Gaslamp Ball. You should read them.

Join Gaslamp Ball

You must be a member of Gaslamp Ball to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Gaslamp Ball. You should read them.

Spinner.vc97ec6e

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.

tracking_pixel_9351_tracker