Steroids Saga Part XIV: THE CRACKDOWN

The MLB is cracking down on steroids. Hey Muscles, Bud Selig told me to tell you that you just got moded. Go shoot up in somebody else's men's room stall, you freak.

However, I agree with Leitner about steroids. He doesn't think there are penalties harsh enough short of just kicking them out completely. Why even mess with three strikes? Just kick them out! These aren't dudes who are chemically addicted and need help. The substance is bad for them and it's bad for the game. Zero tolerance! You say it's just a Swiss Army Knife and you're in the boyscouts? I say, take your excuses somewhere where they tolerate crybaby cheaters. Anyways, what the heck am I talking about...

The other, slightly minor, but perhaps just as important thing that came of this is the fact that they're testing for amphetamines now. My father-in-law will be so happy. Whenever we head to my in-laws for dinner or to visit, we'll chat about baseball and what not and if the subject of steroids comes up, my father-in-law will proceed to go off on these dudes using greenies. It makes him crazy. According to him, the amphetamines are the way that baseball players can play 162 games in 6+ months and still have time to cheat on their wives and girlfriends and stuff. I think the thing with amphetamines also is the fact that apparently, they're very much open in the clubhouses around the league. You have like a fridge full of Red Bull and Gatorade and sitting right next to it is Power Bars, trail mix, and amphetamines.

I hope the commissioner's office cracks down on Big League Hair next. It may not influence the game at all, but it's very distracting to the fans who want to watch baseball, but instead become distracted by the glorious, sexy locks that gush forth from underneath those batting helmets. No more pelo! I need to focus on the game. You take your sexy mane somewhere else, Ramon Hernandez. Save the supermodel coiffure for the runway, Brian Giles. Don't you get any crazy thoughts about Rogaine, Mark Sweeney.

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